Appreciation of life

Sometimes, in our desperate hours, we keep on thinking that we are nobody…and what in the hell we are doing in this world? It was pointless and we starting to think that maybe we should have never been born… Sounds familiar?

I was reading this review about old movie : It’s A Wonderful Life. And the main story was sort of like the above feeling that I have been describing… But I do not want to drag us into the deepest dark hole of self pity and depression… Just like the movie, I think we should think that perhaps without we realized we did help other people or at least give something meaningful to them… Made them feel worthy and forgot about their sadness or problems, even if was only for a while.

Like for example, you saw the cleaning lady try hard to wipe the dirty floor…, you try not to make the floor even dirtier than ever… Or you walked into the house, saw your mother looks so tired…you decided to lend a hand…without saying a word… You might not noticed, but your mom will be smiling happily behind you. You said thank you to someone whose job is opening the door for you… Small things but made people feel appreciated and forgot about their shitty day for a while…

Maybe by learning to appreciate something small…we will all learn how to appreciate our life… that we are all precious and have the right to be here in this world…

Talking nonsense again?

At Mt. Kawi - Bali - Southeast Asia

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At Mt. Kawi - Bali - Southeast Asia

Rice Terrace - Southeast Asia

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Rice Terrace - Southeast Asia

Saying goodbye to the sun - Southeast Asia

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Saying goodbye to the sun - Southeast Asia

Traffic jam - Southeast Asia

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Traffic jam - Southeast Asia

Yellow sky above Jimbaran beach Bali - Southeast Asia

Yellow sky above Jimbaran beach Bali - Southeast Asia

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Bicycle for rent - Southeast Asia // PLEASE VOTE FOR ME

Bicycle for rent - Southeast Asia

Thought of the day

People often said to us do not spoil your children otherwise they are going to grow up be a brat someday…

I think that advice will apply to people at all age.

Well, this is just a thought… Like, for example, you over praised on someone else…let us say your boss … You always say yes to whatever he or she said to you… You treated him or her like a powerful god… Perhaps, soon or later he or she will enjoy being treated like that and their attitude will change?

Or is it all back to the person? Whether he or she is the type who is humble and does not appreciate being over praised or being kissed up by others… Some, totally enjoy it and make the most of it… Thinking, well I am a star and people should treat me like one… Or if people treat me like a star then I will treat them unequally…

Again, this is just a thought of the day ;)

Jakarta, the city of lights - Southeast Asia

Jakarta, the city of lights - Southeast Asia

Bright sky above Jakarta - Southeast Asia

Bright sky above Jakarta - Southeast Asia

Statue of Wisnu - Southeast Asia

Statue of Wisnu - Southeast Asia

Welcoming the wave - Southeast Asia

Welcoming the wave - Southeast Asia

Sunset and wave - Southeast Asia

Sunset and wave - Southeast Asia

Jakarta at night - Southeast Asia

Jakarta at night - Southeast Asia

Different effect

My family has never been the most active member in our church. It was not until he resigned from his job then my Dad decided to get more involve in the church’s activity.

So one day, he took me along with him to this church’s event. I was around 30 years old something at that time. We walked side by side talking about this event until someone called up to him and said something like this, “ Wow Sir, no wonder you always hides your wife. She is so young and pretty…”


The effects were …

For my Dad, he took that as a compliment. It meant that in his old age he is still able to find much younger wife.

For me, it was like a slap in the face… Meaning…do I really look that old ???? It was not a compliment for me but more like an insult…

Naturally, I started to think no wonder guys in the church never try to approach me perhaps they thought I was my Dad’s wife?????

Gifts to the Gods - Southeast Asia

Gifts to the Gods - Southeast Asia

Scratch me - Southeast Asia

Scratch me - Southeast Asia

Man’s best friend - Southeast Asia

Man’s best friend - Southeast Asia

simply nice

Yesterday I went to the mall to meet my friends. As always, we prefer to sit around at Starbuck. Unfortunately, Starbuck always fully loaded with people on weekends. But, since I have no idea where I can find a place to sit and have quiet moments with my writings… I went anyway and queuing for my coffee. While queuing I looked around the place, hoping to find an empty table. There were three, but two already occupied. I starting to feel agitated and wondering, what should I do if I do not get the last empty table?

Then my eyes met up with the security’s guard. I like the security guard here at the Starbuck at Plaza Indonesia. He always polite and never forgot to smile when addressing the visitors. I know, he is probably just doing his responsibility. But still, it was nice at least for me to be addressed nicely. So, I always smile back and greeted him back. I have known this someone for years. She never looks at us in the eye and considered as her doormat. I remembered that whenever I nearly bumped into her, I would go to another direction in order to avoid opening door for her… Sorry, that was not my job.

Anyway, that evening he saw me and came up while I was still queuing. He offered that empty table for me and asked politely for my bag. So, I gave it to him to be placed at the chair and he sort of guards it until I finally able to sit in.

I maybe overreacting but if that security being nice to me because I simply treated him like a human being…well… then it is right… You will never loose anything to be nice to someone else...

too comfortable?

I wish I can be like my friends who are able to sleep once they hit something soft ....

Me? No matter how tired I am, if it is not my own bed in my room or any other room in the house that I used to live in for almost 35 years... then my eyes would be opened so wide...

If I have to stay in a hotel, I could not sleep on the first night... Eventually I have to take sleeping pill on the second night... Imagine that!

Surprising that I always easily sleep during my journey to and from the office on the bus.. and wake up easily once I arrive on the destination.

I can not imagine what would I do if I have to spend a month in a foreign country , alone, staying in a room, alone... I think I will be a sleeping pills junkie...

Not going to be a very good backpacker traveler, am I?

Wondering is it because I can not handle changing situation? That I can only be relax in a place that I am familiar with? Like at home? or in the bus? Not because is comfy on the bus, because I already getting used to the situation.

Kinda scarry sometimes... What if I can not handle a changing situation? Is it true that we prefer to be in the situation that we have known even not a good one...because we are too afraid to look for a solution in an unknown situation?

Do I talk nonsense again?


My friend asked me whether I missed my old classmates, in high school and university...

If that question were asked to me ages ago, when we were just separate due to attending different schools or move somewhere else, then without I hesitated I would say that I terribly miss them...

Imagining, that for years we spent our free time together. Our parents know each other because we like to visit each others house. There were nothing that kept hidden those days... Each moment we have a crush, the others would know...

Obviously, one would think that being separated world apart only strengthen the friendship... Wrong... The missing moment only lasted for a few months and then the reality took over. We have to face that we better get a job soon... We starting meet new people... And eventually those so-called friends from the past will exist only by names....

When I found the name of my very close friends in university, I excitedly sent request to add her along with message informing my name. She did approve the request but there were no response back, like...oh, how are you? What have you been doing? It was a bit disappointing...but then again, I was not expecting much... It was easy for me to talk with a complete stranger that I know from the internet rather than opening up a conversation with people from my high school and university.

I suppose that was one of the reasons I was not too excited too attend a big reunion or small reunion...

What are we going to talk about? What would we accomplish by seeing each other? Happiness? Really? If you are really my close friends, then you would find anything to keep the friendship alive. Likewise, I would do the same too... But we never did try that... So, I guess what was happen in the past should be kept as a good memories and no point for me to see you again. You are a part of the old pages from the past and I have closed that pages to move on to the next page...

It was nice having you as a friend, but that was it....

old habit die hard...

Indonesian can't survive without eating a rice at least once a day...

Is that true? Well, true or not...I admit there was a time that I really can not live without eating rice... Seriously...

In elementary school, I try to have bread as my breakfast...only to collapsed later that day... Yeah, really collapsed... Since that time, I always eat rice starting breakfast up to dinner... I could not imagine myself to skip eating rice... And since that collapsing accident, I believe that I would never survive a day without eating rice...

Then, when I started to work, I found myself having stomachache not long after I eat my breakfast... Which was bound to happen I quickly ran out from the house just after I finished my breakfast... Then, one day I was sleeping over at my friend's house... She hardly have anything to eat for breakfast because she is just not the type who busy looking for something to eat... I realized, I have to manage to adapt to the situation where I would probably not be able to find rice... Beside, is only in the morning...

And then slowly but sure, I started to reduce my dying needs to eat rice ... I just find that I was becoming such an idiot whenever I drive myself worried if I could not find rice to eat... Will I be sick? Will I be trembling all day long? Will I going to collapse like in the elementary school?

Of course now, when I finally able to spend day by day not eating rice unless I really want to... I feel the irony of life...

Lots of people out there can not find decent meal...let alone eating rice once a day... But here I am...trying so hard to skip eating it...

Well, just think of it as an exercise to not believe that I can not survive a day without rice :)

learn how to look

An online friend of mine sent a request letter to me and her other friends to check out on her photos. She said she just combine a few photos into one photo. It is about an old has that has just been renovated. Or something like that...

So, here I am trying to be more observant... I keep on looking at the photo containing several shots from my friend... Hmmm, I did not want to write only ...OH THIS IS VERY GOOD, and same things like that... So, I keep on staring and staring...and finally give up... I started to look on comments that have been posted by others... One comment attracted me as the commenter said: all the picture taken looked good... But where is the house? I can't see it clearly in the picture..."

Aha..., I looked back at the photo and there you go... All photos taken to show the environment surrounding the house... Such as the trees, the grass, the river ...but the house itself covered by trees we can't hardly look... If the title is not mentioning the house, then I guess we will not pay attention to the house, right? But it will just a beautiful picture with no story on it... I once took a picture of a band playing music on stage... I think the quality of the photo is okay... Well, according to least... But to my friend, she asked what I want to share to others from the picture? There was no story to tell ...

Well, that hopefully will tell me that I need to look more rather than just see things... :)

wishy washy

You know what...
I really such a wishy washy person....
WHen I hang out with friends who into fashion and clothing, I also follow their till I drop... We will browse the mall. Hunting for any new clothes, shoes, bags, accesories...almsot about everything! I always run out of money by the end of the month... Really not thinking... All I can think is I have worked hard all day, I think I deserve to buy good things for myself...

Then, I sort of stop seeing them... and back to hang out with my other friends who have other interest... like watching movies, reading book... Going out with them, made me stop buying clothes!!! Seriously! But, naturally I becoming books hunter now... I keep on and on buying books, do not know when I am going to read them

Which one is better for my life?

Hehehehe, I think for now...I need to avoid people who is going to lure me to the malls and buying things that I actually do not really need... I sometimes envy one of my colleague who never have any desire on new clothes, or cute bags or comfy shoes... If only I can be like that... But anyway, I am still in the learning process...:)

Let us not wanting too much of stuffs that we do not really need it...

Smile :)

Why do you always smile in all of your photos? That was the question that my late Grandma asked me one.

There are tonz of answer to that one simple question. Maybe because I am just a coquettish person. Or like to show everybody how yellow my teeth are (hehehehehe). Or because I just know that with smiling, I will look good in that photo (certainly not look younger, I have already known that) or maybe because I just simply being happy at that time.

Most of the time, I hardly smile. Asked all my colleagues and especially my Mom. She always remind me when she saw me put a sullen face. She said I look ten times older. Or suddenly I heard my colleague said, Wow, what is it? You look so serious during these past few hours. I do not know why, but I just did. Maybe I feel there is nothing was wrong, or whatever, but my face gave it all away. Why did I do that? I have no idea myself. Perhaps I just being bored or fed up with the situation but can not express it very well, so it is all shown in my face. Which, I think that look are all over on everybody's faces. Perhaps the look is a result from being cautious, depressed, alert, careful and lots of other reason.

Try to smile on someone that you are accidentally step on or push. Most of them will probably smiled back politely, forget their first intention to be angry. Or smile to your colleagues at work. They probably surprised, but naturally they will smiled back again. Smiling is actually contagious. And it will bring you good feelings too. The reason you feel want to smile, because you feel good about something. You feel happy. And you can share that happiness by just simply smile to others. Of course, I do not recommend you to smile on everyone or perhaps smile excessively to your boss or someone else's wife/husband. But just try relaxing your face. Trust me. It is not easy. I once try to look at my face every five minutes in the mirror and wow! They always looks so stress out!

Anyway, this is just a small talk. A suggestion to you and of course to me as I have not been doing any smile lately. But let us try it. It make us look prettier, softer and happier. It will boost your spirit when you feel that there is nothing to be smiled about in this world

Reques for help

What kind of type are you if you are in desperate need for help? Do you wish people just know that you are in need and the help was given without your request? Or perhaps, you decided that you are the one who need help then you should spoke the request to other people…

Once I heard someone talk about how he hates his friends and families because nobody gives him the help that he need… But when other people commented about how cruel his families and friends for not giving him the help that he requested, he then said…. well, he did not ask… And he added that they should know his condition because he was sick and need a lot of money, blah, blah, blah….

Hmmm, I do not agree with that…. I consider myself always holding back when I need help from others, but I think I can decide which condition that I can fix by myself and which one that need to be helped by others. And to get that help, I would not hesitate to ask. Just like the situation when both of my parents got sick. There is no way I could just stay silent and hoping others will lend their hand after seeing my condition. Of course without me asking, they do realize that I need that help. But, I think a request should be spoken to them. I do not want to be a kind of person who later on said that I never asked for that help and who ask you to help me out? I think that would be rude and ungrateful.

So, if you need my help, then you should say it…. I am not a mind reader and I need you to speak to me out loud…. I am not going to remind you in the future that without me, you can not go on living because I am just a person who happens to be right by your side when you need me… I can’t help people who do not want to be helped…


Can I handle critics nicley? Nope...

I realized that very much... Whenever I said or did something, and then I heard a protest or criticism from someone else, there was always this urge to snap back and explain why did I say that or why did I do that... I just want other people to understand and agree with me , the reason beneath my action, words and thoughts...

The funny thing is, I am not the kind of person who like to argue or stand on my opinion. Basically, because I can not say anything intelligently on why I choose that or think like that. Usually, after lost from an argument, I was like... DAMN! Why did not I say thing like this to answer that question? I was sort of a slow thinker, as my Mom used to say jokingly on me. Because I always get mad first, before I could think anything right to say.

Or came into this situation when I am dead sure that I know my knowledge is the right one (like for easy one, I know that the one who playing is Bridget Jones is Rennee, but my friend insist it was Cameron Diaz)... and did not have the brain or the energy to say, NO! You got it wrong... I am the right one...

Then again, I think...perhaps I consider critic as a negative attack to me personally rather than something to be ponder about... I mean, not all critics means only harm... Like for example, if write something that I thought is funny.... I will laugh about it after reading it, my friends too because they know about the situation without need further explanation.... But, if someone who do not know me, will probably confuse and not know what to laugh about from this story... So, if that someone says to me...I do not understand what is your story about because you do not give me more explanation... That is a very good criticism... Other people see something that we usually don't because we see it almost everyday and find nothing unusual about it...

Sooo, perhaps starting now... I will try to be more open minded about critics ... Considering them as another form of ideas and suggestions for my own good :)

Get to know people...

I noticed that I am sort of a wishy-washy person... Do not really know what I actually want... Or easily influenced by others almost about everything...

Like for example, when a friend told me about how arrogant this person is, I just trust the information... And starting to dislike the person! I have no idea why I did that... Perhaps I thought that I just being loyal to my friend? Well, the jokes was on me.... As after I am not in the speaking term with the-so-called arrogant person, I notice my friend who said earlier does not like the person.... IS TALKING IN NICELY with the exact arrogant person... WHen I asked, why talking so friendly, the answer was...well, we never know we might need anything in the future...?


So, I started to promise myself...not easily influenced by other about something that I really do not know...

Then, another time...again my friend said that the new manager is so snob.... being so young and already becoming a manager... I tried not to listen and keep an open minded... I want to know and learn by the first hand is it true? That this new manager is someone I should avoid? The opportunity come when the new manager came to me and asked for data. He asked nicely and return the favor by willing to help out whenever I need his assistance.

When my friend again said that he dislike the new manager, I told her simply that the new manager is actually a nice person..., and even added," least to me he IS nice... And he treat me with respect..." My friend seems surprise by my answer and did not believe me... I then told her again,"Is true... Maybe we should know him in person to find out the good side of him..."

Get to know the person before jumping into conclusion that he or she is a stuck up person... There is no point of blindly follow whatever information you received even if is coming from your own friend... And to prove that you are a loyal friend by dislike all the people your friend really stupid...

Just listen

Never say that your problem is bigger than anybody else's problem...

Like when you listening to your friend telling you about the things that they have been going through.... Then you thinking that you had it worse say things like this...,"You think you had it bad? How about me...?" then blah, blah, blah you take over the conversation telling your bad day... Well, perhaps you meant well... You wanted your friend to be tougher with his or her problem... And try to make comparison that those people's problems are a lot heavier than this...

Although you meant well, I do not think that is the wise thing to do.... I mean, imagine yourself... Telling your problem to your friends or family... After all the emotion that you felt sharing the story, and the reaction you get is: "OH, dear... You sound so serious... I thought someone died... You know about that woman who almost died from the crash last year...." and so on...

Whatever on our mind, regardless we are being understanding or not so understanding..., maybe we should try to be supportive by just being a listener... Sometimes people does not need our suggestion or idea or comment or lecture...they just wants us to listen... And if you think later that this person does need a shock therapy by story telling that other people had it harder... that's another story for another time...

The very last thing that person need is to be compared to other TOUGHER people and made him or her feeling more worthless than ever...

Single, in relationship, complicate

Long ago, I was a bit annoyed whenever I heard conversation like this :

Hey, you remember about X?

Yeah, I do. She is a real demon in disguise, is she not?

Well, she is a very different person now. What could I say, erm more human? No kidding?

She has zero tolerance with other people. As if she is alone against the world! Yeah, she has married now. So, she was a bit less bitchy. In fact, there was no trace of her old ways. She has been reborn.

Oh, and she is married? No wonder, then!

And I was like, what? Our sanity toward others determined whether we have married or not. If you are not married, you have lack of compassion to people around you. Then, when you got married, all of sudden you have changed into a very different person. Is it really like that?

According to my friend, because we are still single, we never tried to compensate or have tolerance with other people. Since we acted on our own, we have no one to think about (do not include parents) and we did not like others interfering with our life. She gave me this example, her current relationship. She said, she usually just let it out her anger to others if the other party; for example, did not come on time on an appointment. But she could not do that with her boyfriend. If her boyfriend came in late, instead of being angry she mopes about why he was so late. And usually, her boyfriend would beg for her forgiveness. Or if she was the guilty one, she used the same tactic. So, the conclusion is because a spinster like me never had any experience in having relationship with others, we tended to let our emotional and ego blow up. When we are having a steady relationship, we (almost) would do anything to keep it long lasting.

You want more examples? Okay, let us discuss about having relationship with your friend. There were events that took place, which you knew the mistake was on their side. But did we just blurt it out to our friend? Most of the time, we prefer not to for so many reasons. We did not wish to hurt them or we just afraid to break the friendship by saying the truth. Or we did not wish to loose them because what we would have said to them. We are so afraid that they will be angry and break the friendship. I think, having a serious relationship with a guy, will be sort of like that huh?

Wondering if a relationship is also about being ourself and honest, both romance relationship and friendship…

Being silly...

Sometimes I do wonder to myself why oh why I have a diary.... I usually write all the miserable things that has been going on in my heart as I am not too comfortable to talk about it with other people...

Anyway, I have this classmate who always says thing (most likely) without thinking... I have forgotten the offended words came out from her mouth but I do remember that I do not like her for that... And therefore kinda glad that I did not spend my college time together with her...

A few weeks ago, I run into another class mate from high school. She contacted me via Facebook and asked me to have small gathering. Just me, her and the other person is that girl that I do not like... Then out of the blue, I started to open my online diary and bumped into an old posting. Exactly about the classmate that I dislike... I wrote, that after a few years not seeing each other she still not changed at all by asking me this,"So, did you finally find any blind person who want to be your bf?"

What is that suppose to mean? Is it just me being too sensitive or she just being trashy as usual?

And because of reading that, I decided not to have that small gathering after all...

Call me an idiot, but at this age, I do not think I want to see someone that always manage making me uncomfortable...

Of course I also wondering why it is so hard for me to forget all of that? I mean, why I have to be so affected by the things she said? Is it really matter that I am still single and she already married with children? So what? Does by not want to see her because I am afraid that I am just prooving to her that she know I am going to be like this after high school? Because she has been successfully destroy my confidence and I do not want to give her the satisfaction to see me still single? If I have been saying outloud that I am okay with being single then what is the big deal for me to just go to the gathering and show her that I am doing just fine?

Then again, I think I need to be with real friends that have been with me through happiness and sadness all these times rather than seeing someone from the past that will only know how to mock me around...

We'll see about it later....

Please don't stop the music:)

While you are working or studying, do you prefer doing that while listening to the music or you need a complete silent surrounding?

For me, it depends on the situation. SOmetimes, I really do need to listen to the music while I am in the middle of doing something with my work. That situation usually occur when I heard so many noises around me which will disturb me more comparing me listening to the music. Sometimes, there are several people sitting in the same desk, as they are in the middle of teleconference. You can imagine how noisy the sound of 10 people talking to each other, not to mention the line connection sometimes not so good. It means, they will have to raise their voice in order to be heard by people on the other line. That is the kind of sound that I really can't stand. Or hearing someone's high pitched voice talking near me... When all of that happen, I grab the IPOD and started to listen to any kind of music. Often, when I am drowning with the job, I hardly listen to the songs. So, for example, there is ten songs on the lsit. The only song I heard in the beginning is the first three on the list. THe rest, I did not pay any attention, and when I am back listening to the music , the song played already the last one on the list.

When I am still a student, my Mom often complained about me listening to the music while I was cramming for the exams. SHe wondered, which of those things that will be memorized by my brain. Whether the songs or the lesson? And she guessed correctly. In the end of the cramming season, I could memorize the lyric of the songs instead of the book that I should have been studying... Hehehehehehe

That is still happenning when I am reading a book. Eventually, I am paying more attention to the songs instead of the book that I have been reading. So, usually I choose instrumental music or Korean songs since I hardly know the language. That way, I can concentrate to what I am reading and also listening to the melody.

Of course, when there is a problem with the job (as there is no way you are facing a straight through processing all the time, right?) , I plug off the IPOD and give attention more to the job. In fact, at the time like that, a little sound from a ring tone of a cell phone could irritated me. I hate being disturbed at that time, as I need a few second of quiet moment to focus. But, not like some people, I do not came to my colleague's desk and turn off his or her cell phone when it is ringing endlessly. Usually, I just sighed in desperation.

So, let us plug in those music player and listen to all your fav tunes... just as long as you are sure that it will not disturb your work :) Music is one of many things that could help you relax and have fun...

Like RIhanna said... Please don't stop the music....

Weak or not really?

My Mom always get the things that she wanted with cheaper prize!
The key was, she said to me, is to pretend that you did not the stuff. And when you decided to walk away, you must really, really stay away. Because there is always a possibility that the merchant will not call you back. If so, then forget about the stuff!

Well, all these times people always considered that woman is one of the weakest creatures on earth. How very wrong. Women, young or old, know how to use their weakness to get what they want and they do have that big power to stand up for themselves. Let us take a look.

Mother, is the one who woke up first in the very beginning of a new day. Not only she has to wake up the other lazy member of the family, she has to prepare breakfast for all of them. After that, she has to go the market to get everything that was needed for her family. It take a strong will to get up early in the morning

We often pretend not to look when we saw pregnant woman standing in the bus. There were too many excuses. We were too tired. Too sleepy. Too dizzy. Well, imagining them. They have to carry that load for nine months. And the process to deliver the so-called next generation was a process of between life and death.

When you are struggling to get on the crowded bus, you felt something nudge your belly. And you thought before she was a youngster because she is still have the strength to throw you away. You angrily take a look, and then there she is. Elder woman; and she is as old as your mom.

In the party; you are standing nicely on the queue to get a desert. Then from out of nowhere, this old lady sliding in front of you. You feel you must behave, so you kept silent. It turn out she called her 6 children to get in the queue. Would you smack her? Could not do so, huh?

Competitive. Do not believe me? Go to Bread Talk outlet. Then you will see what I meant. Everytime the worker bring new bread from the heaven, they will rush together to grab as many bread they could have. Then, they will compare to each other about how many breads in their possession. Move aside youngsters!

Bargaining. Oh, they are the best. Why? Because they have to make sure, that the money is sufficient enough to be spent for the family. So, if you could get the cheapest things with good quality, why in the heck not bargain?

Still, want to say that woman is a weak creature?

Another friendship talk

I once read that to keep a person as your friend you must do the following:
Respect him/her when he/she is around
Do not talk behind his/her back when he/she is not around
Be supportive when he/she need it...

But what if, something happen comes along the way, which makes you unable to do the above?

Like being honest. I know there are so many problems that we do not want others to know, no matter how close the friendship is. However, when something essential that will cause problems in the future...., then I think we should tell the truth.
But, then... how can we measure what things that we should tell, and what should not? Or what kind of things that we are allowed to know and not allowed to know...

I always wish that my friends tell me everything that has been going on with their life, as I feel that I always wish to share everything with them. Which as the time goes by, I realized that life is not that simple.

And how can we not talk about our own friend behind their back, when we suspect them cheated on us? ANd what is the best way to ask them to clear the things if everything is only a misunderstanding?

See, how complicated my mind is? :D

So busy, are you?

A friend of mine wrote in her status that she is wondering if FB and BB were demolished, then perhaps during the hangouts, people would not be so busy with their BB and chat a lot more...


And experience remind me of her status.

When my friend and several women were about to go to the first floor from under ground, we were sort of stuck. In front of us there is a woman who use the stairs very slowly. I was wondering whether she is sick or anything. But then I saw her clothes. She wear that typical clothes a pregnant woman would wear. Oh, I think silently, well perhaps she could not walking very fast due to her pregnancy. None of us were complaining. We were unable to walk by pass her because there were a lot of people using the stairs to the opposite direction, to go to the under ground.

Then after there were no more people from the opposite direction, we started to walk by passing her... I saw two women in front of me looking at the pregnant woman then their face turn to surprise. I was curious so I asked my friend to go faster... I also take a peek at that pregnant woman to see what was the thing that surprise the other two before me... Then I saw the REAL REASON why she walked so DAMN SLOWLY... She was not busy taking care herself by walking slowly due to her pregnancy. Instead she was busy TEXTING world's knows who on her BLACKBERRY...


Really inconsiderate and what on earth were you thinking? Many people fall from the stairs because they were too glued to their cellphones... And now, with the baby on the way... you put yourself in danger because you can not wait to text on someone? Or perhaps checking your friend's status on FB? AND KEEP OTHER PEOPLE WAITING BEHIND YOU????



I once read (but forgotten the source, sorry) that when people fall into deep depression, they will think no other way out from their problem and therefore decided to take their own life.

It was also said that people who got Major Depression, usually have these symptoms:
Often feel empty, sad and worried.
Loosing interest in all favorite activities.
Easily get tired.
Hard to concentrate, dazed and senile.
Insomnia or love to sleep all the times!
Feeling helpless.
Edgy and super duper sensitive.
Love eating a lot or not at all.
Often thinking about death or suicide.

Wondering if we do have those symptoms, will we ever going to recognize it as signs of depression and seeks for help? Will any other people notice it and offer their help before everything is too late?

Thanks and prayers

Out of the blue, I just remember that most of the time, I pray only for my family and me. I hardly ever pray for everyone else.
So, right now… I think I want to make a list to all the people that help me for what I am right now…

To all my teachers starting from Kindergarten School to my counselor in the university. You guys help me out to pass my youth days by studying and studying… He…he…he…, maybe my Mom should be saying this prayer because I once think that this studying things will never gonna end… I hope you all are blessed with good health always… May all the bad things been driven away from you. To those who has passed away, may your soul rest in peace.

To all the people who I have never got a chance to thanks them in person for their help:
To the taxi driver who helped to drive me and my mom to the hospital after we got a car accident and of course to all the people who helped us to get out from the vehicle at that time…
To someone who is kind enough returning our wallet along with the money in it
To someone who let our family know that we got a car accident.
To all the people who offer my mom and me a sit at the public transportation.
To someone who is kind enough to show us the right way when we got lost…
And to so many others…
To all the doctors, nurses and any people in the hospitals that have been understanding and helping to us when my parents were a patients there

I can only pray that may you received many kindnesses in your life and be blessed always

The question is....

Asian people has the way to ask question. They will beat around the bush, strolling the street if they have to before finally jumping into the main question.

I received a phone call from our family acquaintance. At first I thought she wish to speak with my Mom. But she was not and here were the conversation:

Her : Hey, why are you still at home at this hour?

Me : Is Saturday, sis… Our office is closed on Saturday

Her : Really? And what is the name of your office exactly…?

Me : The XXXX company

Her : Oh, yeaah, yeah. I kinda forgot the name…. Errrr, and where is the main office?

Me : Oh, the main office is on the JJJJJJJJJ street… (wondering where these question going to lead me to)

Her : Well, you see (ahahhh… here comes the real jackpot) … my son got this telephone saying that he has to go to this interview in XXXX company ….

Me : U-huh… (thanks God… I thought she need my help to get her son a job in the office… Why they always think that I a somebody in that office? So humiliating)

Her : And since we are not sure about the address…

Me : To which floor he has to go to? (I just want to be sure)

Her : to the 16th floor

Me : Oh, yes that’s right. That is where the HR department located…

Her : I see… Err, you would not be happened to know about this interview call to my son?

Me : Pardon (is that the main question?)?

Her : Well, since you are working there, I suppose you would know about this interview to my son…

Me : (Dear God…. It is even worse than I thought it would be)… Sis, you do realize that I am not the owner of the company…

Her : (Laughing sheepishly) Well, yes I know that dear… But, I thought you would know….

(And then she babbling about her son has been sending application, blah, blah, blah…. My mind has wondered to somewhere else)

Her : So, you really do not know?

Me : There are hundreds employees there including me and sadly I am not working at the HR department so…. Nope… is a negative confirmation… I would not know about it… Okay, so you wanna talk with my Mom…?

And that's the end of the conversation. I thought she want to ask for direction, it turn out she was not. I thought she wish to help her son to get a job, thanks God she was not… And all she need to know whether I know about the interview… which of course… how in the heck am I suppose to know??? I considered that as the most ridiculous conversation, but my Mom said that it was just her way to have a chit chat…

I guess I am too stiff lately…

Friendship and secrets

How big is your trust to those around you? How much will you open yourself in front of them? Will you tell them your deepest dark secret? Like your affair with someone else behind your spouse? Or you have kinky fantasy about your favorite actor? Or you hate your own friend and tell it to your other friend...? But, do we really need to be open almost about everything to our friends? Image hosted by To loosen up, not just a bit but too much? What the worst could come up if you do that?

At first, I think that having a friend..., means that we should sharing a bit about our life. That ‘s what so great having a friend, right? You could tell them your deepest secret and you know that they will keep it forever... But is it really like that? Do you honestly believe that your friendship could last forever? That he or she will not use your secret as a weapon to against you in the future? And have you once think that he or she will have a burden on their mind after you leash your secret to them and ask them to keep it to themselves?Image hosted by

My Mom is like that. She always talks almost about everything that she needs to get it off her chest. My Father does not like her behavior and thinking that is really unnecessary for the whole world to know what is on her mind. I could understand her need to have a heart to heart talk, but also agree with my dad that she should be a bit picky when it comes to talk about family secret. We would never know, whether this person could be trusted or not. Image hosted by

Me? I was sort of in between. I could not stop myself from talking about what is on my mind to my friend. What I am planning to do, what are my biggest dream and my goal in this life. I rarely could keep it as a secret for too long. My friends said that I am an open book. Not just because they could see me through my body language, but because I always love to talk about my activities. Maybe because I love myself too much? He...he...he...., I hope not. I suppose..., because having no siblings at home... it make my desire to have a long chat about everything with my friends is the most that I need in this world. Image hosted by

But later, having friends with different behaviour... I realize that people is not the same. They do not wish to open their entire secret to their friends. Because they once did something like that. And then, their friend turns become their enemy and use it to stab them in the back. Or their friend never meant to hurt them, but accidentally the secret was revealed to someone else who then goes all the way to every bloody person in this city. And believe it or not, there will be a moment when you wish you do not need to know your friend’s secret. You suddenly feel that you have unwanted burden in your chest. But you could not let them out because you have made a promise. And people starting to ask you about it, and you get really annoyed. You have this feeling that everyone accusing you as an accomplice to keep your friend’s secret while you know that what your friend are doing the wrong thing. Image hosted by

And another time when I hanging around with several friends of mine, I found that being too open is not always fun for others to listen about. You see, some of these women have this wild fantasy and obsession regarding this cute hanky panky actor. And they seems beyond reality that they force themselves to truly believe that the actor is for them only, that this guy has no flaw at all, he is so darn perfect. They spoken out loud about their wildest imagination and fantasy; which is fine ... But, what make me bored is that they seems could not speak about anything else but that. On that moment, I silently thanks God that I have never revealed my kinky fantasy about anyone. Yeah, I do have one. Just because I have never have intimate relationship make me not thinking about those stuffs. Anyway, I consider that it should be for myself. And nobody in this world should know about what is on my mind. Not even my friends. You will never know what they are going to think about you. And it could change the whole aspect of your friendship. Things will never be the same again. It could get you closer to them. Or you are successfully drove them away. We could always defends ourselves by saying, well it is my business. I like that. And is their problem if they do not like what I am thinking about. Sure. You are right. But then, just give yourself a thought. Your friends might not mind. But, do you really think is necessary to tell them all about your fantasy? It will get them bored... Image hosted by As you will be talking only about you, you, you and not listen to them at all...

Wohooo, I am talking too much... Anyway..., is okay to share secret with your friends. Secret is just one thing to spice your friendship. As long as you could hold yourself and not pour them all upon your friends... And remember to think that your friends might not want to know your secret and they do not wish to share theirs either. Image hosted by

Presents aka Gifts

What kind of gift that you like to receive on your birthday?Image hosted by Or just any day... Image hosted by

What thing that first comes into your mind? Why do I even bringing up this subject? Honestly, when my friends gave me books, CD, or Diary... I would be very happy. Especially with those made self created CD by my friends. It means that they took extra times to record the song into the CD, so it felt rather special. Okay, I know it is against the law to recorded things from the original version. It is included as a piracy. But, the point is, the gift has more value because your friends spending more time to make it. Not just go to the store and buy it and get it wrap to be given to us. But even that could be tricky. The same thing, when you wish to give your friends a new novel. Image hosted by

Why? Well, let us face it... Gift is not just a thing that you are obliged to give to your friends or families on their birthday. I consider it as an act of love and care. Because, you will hope that your friends and families like the gifts. And for that, you will need to know at least about their hobbies and things that they like to keep. If you are really not that close to the person, then your gift will be such a waste. Oops, that is a bit harsh... But come on... Admit that... If only in Indonesia we could return the unwanted things that people gave to us... we would do that too... Image hosted by

When I was about to give my friends a present, I really confused. I was torn in between ... should I ask them whether they already have this book? Or just acting stupid and buy the new book on the store and send it to them as a gift. But that would be a waste, don't you think? Most of my friends are book lovers and like to buy as many books as they could. In the end, I tried a stupid tactic asking them whether they have already read the book or not. Not a good strategy, because I have not got the crucial information. They have not read the book..., because they are too busy or they actually do not have the book. Finally, I forced myself to ask them and when they said they do not have the book, I went straight to get it for them. It is really embarrassing. And of course, I have to know..., do they like to read this kind of books? Do they love to listen to this jazzy tunes? See? If you do not know your friend really well, then you will not have any idea on what the things you could give to them!Image hosted by

And what about me? At first, I hate it when a person gave me things that I do not like. Things such as desk ornament or other girlie stuffs. What I mean by girlie stuffs, things like pin for your hair, or pinky pillow... those sort of things. But later on, since I have never thought to buy those things by myself, usually I found them very handy... I suppose, we have to open our mind a bit when it comes to presents that we do not like.Image hosted by

Last but not least, my Mother gave me list about gifts that not allowed to be given to other people. Scarf, handkerchiefs and scissors (this last thing..., who in the world would give their acquaintances a scissors ?) It is sort of superstitious... My Mom said, that scarf and handkerchief usually being used to wave at other people upon departure moment. So, when giving those things to your friends, is just the same as you are saying goodbye to your friend as an ending to your friendship. Of course, I have never believed such a thing. But, when my friendship becoming sour with a friend of mine after I gave her a nice scarf... I was forced to believe that superstitious turn out to be true. The same thing goes with scissors. Scissors are used to cut things off, and by giving them as a gift... means you wish to cut off your relationship with that person... Image hosted by

Hmm..., interesting... Don't you think? Maybe I should use a guideline from horoscope to know what kind of gifts that should I get to a friend of mine??? Can anybody help me out?Image hosted by

To forgive is to forget

Once I have tried to write this into an article. But I did not able to finish it because I have no solution for it. To FORGIVE Is To FORGET. Huh, it is easy to be said than done.

Why?Well let us see. Let us say that you are married. One day you found out that your hubby is having an affair. You got angry and hurt and blah, blah. But then your husband came and asking for your forgiveness. He even made a pledge that he would never do that again to you. Eventually you did forgive him. And as time goes by, you decided to put it all behind and forget about the whole things. You two are back as a happy couple again.

However, again you found out that he has another affair. And to make the matter worst, he has an affair with the same woman. So, I asked you... would you forgive him if he came to you, beg on his knee for your forgiveness? Maybe you would not. Maybe you would. But honestly, would you forget about the whole thing and let it past you by? No, this time you would not. Because you felt that he has misused you when you gave that first chance. If you decided to forget the whole things, you are afraid that you becoming less aware of his behavior. You afraid, if you are loosening up a bit, he will strike again from your behind and next time you will suffer a lot. So, you forgive him but decide not to forget. The impact is you have that burden all the time on your shoulder. Every time you look at your husband, all you could think is that betrayal he has done to you. And even you said that you forgive him for all the wrong he has done... well, the truth is ... you are not... You could never believe him the way you did before. Because you are terrified that he will use your trust for his own benefit. Both of you are not the same couple again.

When I started to write this, a friend of mine who got betrayed by his lover asked me. Then what she should do to forget in order to forgive? Even though she has another lover... she never did recover from that betrayal from her previous boyfriend.

And how about me? Well, I admit to myself that the best way to forget is not seeing that person for a very long, long and long time. In that way, that person could never fooled me around, hurting me with their words, and stab me behind my back. I was so upset with my friends at High School, I decided not to see them again after graduated. Finally I forget about them and maybe I do finally make peace; not with them but with myself. But is that a guarantee that I will not having the same problem with my new friends? Then do we have to be alert and suspicious all the time with new person in our life? Would that meant that I have not totally forgive and forget?

I suppose in life, we are desperate of some kind of assurance. That we would never get hurt, especially twice with the same person. We hope that everything will be fine. That is why we gave our trust away. Sometimes is too much. Then when something went wrong that we could not prevent it, we felt so betrayed that it seems there is no way we could give our trust ever again.

Then what is the solution? I could not answer that. For all I know, I am not the kind of person that easy to forget things either. The solution came from us and nobody else. I suppose, when you decide to forget... you will let go of the burden and finally you could have your peace. In the end, you will be able to forgive. PROBABLY. Well, HOPEFULLY.

I got you!!

A few years ago, at the very same date, a friend of mine manage to make a fool of me by her crazy short note. She said like this:
This maybe shock you… You and your partner are invited to my wedding day on this 29th February Hotel blah, blah, Room x at 07.00 P.M. until 09.00 PM

I was like…. WHAT! how could she not tell me about this? How could she do this to me? Still angry, I send her an sms, with capital letter and asked her why she keep it as a secret. She did not reply. Then, while still replying other letters, I started to think like this… oh, dear what day is it this 29… Is it on working day? She really know how to pick a lousy day to get married. Then I check the calender. Then I open my mouth in disbelieved. How could I be so stupid. There is no 29 on this February! SO, it was only a hoax. When I clarify this with her, she just replied shortly : GOTCHA!

I refused being tricked alone. So, I decided to send via sms that letter to my 2 friends, and my 3 colleagues in the office. My 2 friends spotted the strange date immediately. But my 3 colleagues falls for it so easily. They started to spread to other people. And did not dare to ask me. As, they know perfectly well I have no boyfriend or whatsoever… SO, how in the heck I suddenly announce that I want to get married?

You can imagine how furious they are when I finally told them that it was only a hoax… The lesson from this jokes, that we often forgot about something that look less important… THE DATES!!!!