To forgive is to forget

Once I have tried to write this into an article. But I did not able to finish it because I have no solution for it. To FORGIVE Is To FORGET. Huh, it is easy to be said than done.


Why?Well let us see. Let us say that you are married. One day you found out that your hubby is having an affair. You got angry and hurt and blah, blah. But then your husband came and asking for your forgiveness. He even made a pledge that he would never do that again to you. Eventually you did forgive him. And as time goes by, you decided to put it all behind and forget about the whole things. You two are back as a happy couple again.


However, again you found out that he has another affair. And to make the matter worst, he has an affair with the same woman. So, I asked you... would you forgive him if he came to you, beg on his knee for your forgiveness? Maybe you would not. Maybe you would. But honestly, would you forget about the whole thing and let it past you by? No, this time you would not. Because you felt that he has misused you when you gave that first chance. If you decided to forget the whole things, you are afraid that you becoming less aware of his behavior. You afraid, if you are loosening up a bit, he will strike again from your behind and next time you will suffer a lot. So, you forgive him but decide not to forget. The impact is you have that burden all the time on your shoulder. Every time you look at your husband, all you could think is that betrayal he has done to you. And even you said that you forgive him for all the wrong he has done... well, the truth is ... you are not... You could never believe him the way you did before. Because you are terrified that he will use your trust for his own benefit. Both of you are not the same couple again.


When I started to write this, a friend of mine who got betrayed by his lover asked me. Then what she should do to forget in order to forgive? Even though she has another lover... she never did recover from that betrayal from her previous boyfriend.


And how about me? Well, I admit to myself that the best way to forget is not seeing that person for a very long, long and long time. In that way, that person could never fooled me around, hurting me with their words, and stab me behind my back. I was so upset with my friends at High School, I decided not to see them again after graduated. Finally I forget about them and maybe I do finally make peace; not with them but with myself. But is that a guarantee that I will not having the same problem with my new friends? Then do we have to be alert and suspicious all the time with new person in our life? Would that meant that I have not totally forgive and forget?


I suppose in life, we are desperate of some kind of assurance. That we would never get hurt, especially twice with the same person. We hope that everything will be fine. That is why we gave our trust away. Sometimes is too much. Then when something went wrong that we could not prevent it, we felt so betrayed that it seems there is no way we could give our trust ever again.


Then what is the solution? I could not answer that. For all I know, I am not the kind of person that easy to forget things either. The solution came from us and nobody else. I suppose, when you decide to forget... you will let go of the burden and finally you could have your peace. In the end, you will be able to forgive. PROBABLY. Well, HOPEFULLY.
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