Two lessons

I was reading this article about cyber crime when suddenly I saw something interesting in that article. A well known blogger wrote how she lost her accounts (email, Facebook, blog) after being held by her husband who knew all her passwords. He said that he will return all the accounts if this writer drops her demand for divorce. I was wondering who this writer is when I saw the name of her books and blog…and I was stunned… She was someone that I used to envy a lot.

Well, yeah… I know envy and jealousy is not good for the soul… And yet, in my darkest mood I will see these people as the living proof that life is so unfair. Can you imagine that she has nothing to do but shop, shop, and shop and never drop. Well, I am not fashionista but I would not mind being in her position…well, at least like the one she share on her blog and books. She has been raised from a wealthy family that allows her to go anywhere not just for traveling but also to spend and spend a lot of money. As if there was nothing else she do in this world. I remembered being jealous to her, I decided not going to buy her second book and not even her third book. I bought the first one because I was curious to see how she wrote the shopping journey from her life. But after I read it, I was like…oh dear… Why should I buy her books and make her even richer to go shop…, again? Naturally, I was shock to find out that her life is not as smooth as I thought before… All I can say that she has some problems with her husband and things turn out for the worst in the end of their marriage.

From that article I learned two things… 

First, be very careful with all passwords of all your accounts on the internet… If we are the kind of person who lazy to change our password then at the least we should not be giving it away to just anyone… Usually people like to share it with their spouse or family as to prove that they have nothing to hide. But if this knowledge will bite each of you later then perhaps there is nothing wrong to keep it as a secret?

Second, there is no use in getting jealous with other people’s life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this already. I have been reminding myself from time to time… But always, I failed to execute it when ever I was frustrated with my life. We will never know the bitter facts that those people hiding behind their smile. Nobody like to story telling about how bad their life actually in one aspect. As we all know, not all people willing to help sincerely after hearing someone share their misfortune. Others probably will turn away or worse make it as gossip material with their family and friends. Like my friend who always constantly reminding me that every person has their own life and destiny. We can’t be like them and they will not live like us.

Everybody has their own happiness and bitterness…

Misled

This morning I have something to be taken care of so there I went. I have to go to this office which I have already known the area but have no idea whatsoever where exactly the building is. I thought I just asked the official in charge with the transportation of busway. So, confidently I took the busway and looking around the street. Oh dear. The location of the building on my mind is not correct… I started to ask another passenger but she has no idea about it… Then, the passenger gets off the busway . The other passenger who heard my question told me told me that the building I was looking for still far away from here. I just have to pass about five bus stops for the busway before getting off and taking another public transportation. I thanked her and wait her further instruction. When I finally saw the building, I really become unsure… But, I decided to get off from the busway and called the office. It turn out I have gone way too far from the real destination. I wasted almost half an hour before finally reaching the right place.

Sometimes, we have no idea how to get to our destination… We want to do something right in this life, want to do something good… How to do that? Okay, maybe by working… But doing what? And before that…what should we be studying about?

When we were wondering and asked others for opinion, we will receive so many advices and information and leads from people who sincerely want to help us.

 But the problems are… people often have different interpretations with us… They thought we want to go to that building, but it turn out we want to go to different way. Maybe like advising other people’s children about what major they should be taking in the university. Other people giving advice to the parent that their kids should take Economy as their major. Perhaps they giving the advice based on their own experience and needs. They have no idea what the kid should study or what that kid wants to study. The things that we know, or need often do not automatically match with others. But of course we just assume that it will be the same.

So, we may receive many advices in our life… They might misled us and waste our time a bit… In the end, we are the one who will know what road we should take… Whether we get that from other people or from our own investigation and findings… All advices are tends to help us but only a few that will lead us to reach our destination correctly. 

Prejudice part 2

In 1996, my Mom and I went to Singapore for Christmas holiday. Since we tried to save some expenses, we decided to stay in this small motel located in Bencoolen area. This motel, though not so big but is clean and has several rooms. The bathroom located outside our room. The owner is an old Chinese couple.

While we were staying there, we met many tourists from other countries and even from Indonesia as well. But the interesting part was when we met several guys from one country (which I will not tell you ^__^). 

My Mom also has this prejudice to certain ethnicities and people with certain nationality. It does not really bother me because she never do anything crazy anyway towards those people. But what drove me crazy when she talked about them out loud thinking that they would not understand our language anyway. Just like when she saw that bunch of guys, she immediately told me not to walk around the motel by myself and other blah, blah, blah. I hushed her immediately since I do not want them to hear.  My Mom wondering why I was so worried as those men will not understand our language anyway. But thanks God, she did not say anything else when we finally bumping into those guys at the porch.

That little motel has a porch for us guests sitting around enjoying morning sun or watching the night come with breezy wind on our face. Near the sitting place, there is this telephone card and even a weight scale…just in case you want to know how much weight is your baggage before going home. So, while my Mom sitting there I use the telephone to call my Dad back home. We chat a while then I went back to my Mom, giving her information about our home. Then suddenly, one of those guys came up to us and asked us…in our language, “Excuse me, are you from Indonesia?”

My Mom and I looking at each other then back to that guy. We nodded as to confirm his question. Then after a while we involved in a conversation. Finally we learned how this foreign guy able to speak in our language. He studied to be a sailor in the academy located in Jakarta and that’s explained why he is able to speak Indonesian fluently.

After that, of course I gave a “I TOLD YOU SO” look to my Mom… She just merely shrugged. Being prejudice is one thing. But to talk bad about the person regarding their ethnicity or nation thinking that they do not understand…well, we should reconsider that again.

We would not want to be embarrassed, would we?

Prejudice part 1

Indonesia is a country in Asia with many ethnic groups having different cultures, religions, languages, ethics and many more...

Though we have been living together side by side for decades, we still have this prejudice between ethnics and religions follower. The prejudice usually stop amongst friends and colleagues, but does not guarantee we are not going to have one of those conversation between people with the same religion or ethnic group.

I think this is really a sad fact, because the earth is going older by the second but we as the people who live in this planet earth seems having a backwards condition... I would say, the only thing that Indonesian people unite together regardless the religion and ethnicity was when the struggle to regain independence from the colonizer ages ago

Anyway, this is the stupid story about prejudice that I received from my friend. Let us just say that my friend and her associate are like me...are indigenous Indonesian. Her associate dislike this particularly an ethnic (not native Indonesian). Her associate dislikes them so much she always suspicious that the ethnic "X" lied to her, taking advantage from her and never sincere. One day, my friend and her prejudice associate went to a store to buy merchandise in big scale. My friend went to the other side of the store while listening to her associate tried to persuade the store owner in order giving her t, he cheap price. Between the bargain, her associate said something racist like this," Come on, we both native Indonesian... right? I am not ethinc "x"... So, you should give lower price..."

When my friend saw the store owner went quiet , she suspected something must be wrong so slowly but sure she began to headed for the door... Her associate seems to feel the change in the air as well and then finally asked, "Errr, you are not an ethnic "X", are you?"
With flat face, the owner answered, "Well, actually I am..."

After getting the merchandise with price lower than before, my friend giving her associate a lecture, "That's a good lesson for you to not say rubbish like that in public..."
Her associate, embarrassed...only manage to say...," Well, I thought the owner is a native... I never thought she is also an ethnic "X"..."

Sighed.

Clearly she still don't get it that she should not being prejudiced in the first place...ever...

Kinda sad.... come to think of it.... Maybe this is just one of the reason this country never move forward....

Unforgotten sin

Out of the blue, I suddenly remembered something that someone said to me… I remembered it because that was the only good advice that person ever gave to me. Anyway, that person said to be careful in doing my jobs…

“You may be doing great things in your job… Finding new system to reduce load of works, never skip even one working day, and do all kind of requirements… Then you made one fatal mistake in your job… Well, they will remember only that and immediately forget about the previous good things that you have given previously…”

That’s true… 

People probably seeing the good things that have been done or doing the job outstandingly…were something that should have been done… Or doing something good and in orderly are considered as an obligation… So, there is no surprise at all when someone manages to do it daily in real life. Well, that is your obligation… I paid you to do well… Or, doing good things daily in this life? You are supposed to do that! Nothing extraordinary about that…

Since, people consider that as something that has to be done, then those kind acts are taking for granted. Nobody remember about it… So, when we do something wrong especially that affected a lot of people…people will automatically remember it for as long as they live…

So what? People can make mistake… So, there is nothing to be worried about… Right? Well, probably not so right…

If your work in a place that will give you appraisal from time to time, it will not be a good thing to give impression that you are a kind of person who unable to job properly… Sometimes, you just make this one mistake and they will remember it until they resigned… And worst, they continued that information to someone who replaces them… Once you are labeled as someone who is not capable to do job, you will find a hard time to remove that label in the future…

In the society, people will also give you a bad label and you will be talk of the town… Obviously behind your back, and they will love talking about it… Nobody will remember you previously… They just recognize you as someone that will do things bad in the future… Worst, lesser people want to be your friend or being associated with you… And that is no fun at all…

Gravel in your life

Have you ever feel pain inside your shoes while you are walking? Then you realized that probably gravel, that tiny little small stone don’t know coming from where has entered your shoes… You tried to ignore it as you think…, oh is only a small stone… I am not going to stop walking because of that… But a few minutes later, the pain is unbearable and finally you are forced to stop and get that gravel out from your shoes… 

Sometimes we see one problem as a minor thing in our life… As for example, you notice that there is this small leak from your roof every time rain pouring downs the earth. You check it out and there is this tiny crack on the roof… If you fixed it right away, then the leaking problem will be over. But naturally, we decide that there are more things that need our attention… Beside the water leaking still does not bother anyone in the house… So, naturally you dismissed that and move on to other things… Unfortunately the crack getting bigger and in the end, you will have small leak no more… Instead, you have whole lot of water leaking to probably your room, your guest room, your dining room or to whatever room inside the house… Finally you have to fixed the problem but it has cost you not only your precious time but also money and other damages due to the leaking…

            Well, sometimes in life we encountered many problems… It may relate to health, studying, equipment, financial, etc… We have to know which to be prioritized in our life in order to avoid further damages… But then… all problems seem important… Which one that I have to deal first? Or if anything to do with health, sometimes we just scared to find out the truth and decide to postpone the matter… In silent hopes that the matter will go away and clear automatically later.

            I have no idea how to set up priority in deal with many problems that sometimes come to me all at once… Usually, I decide which one will give negative impact or bring damage first… I suppose the wrong things that we often do after make priorities is that we forget that even no matter small the problem is…we need to clear it… And don’t just forget about it or pretend not to remember…in silly hope that it will just go away… (Like people with credit card problem who always in denial hoping the debts will just vanish)

            I often made that kind of mistakes… Thinking that since this problem will not give me direct impact and can be postponed…I just drop it… Not to be finished later but to be forgotten… Until it bites me later and eventually I have to take time to stop. Noticing the problem, and figuring out what to do with it before it killings me slowly…like gravel in the shoes…

Go with a BANG!

I just met my friend previously this evening… We chit chat about things in life, and finally she told me about how she often caught up with mouth fight over something simple yet principle. Like she considered that the charges were outrages and therefore she complained. And she get angrier because those people talk very rudely at her…

Then after a while, many people advice her to not getting fussy over pricey charges… According to her, she did not appreciate that they try to give her higher price than usual… That was why she complained… But rather than listening to her they give response the other way rudely and therefore it drove her angrier. Then her brother warned her not get too emotional with any people as they might not go to let it go easily… She confessed me that after the warning from her brother she was a bit scared… Yeah, I know the feeling…

Recently, I have read and heard that many killings were done by employee to their employer over something simple or…well…heavier… There was two cases that still on my mind.

First, this guy brutally murdered his employee… A nagging lady boss and her crippled husband… The husband was okay, but his wife was unbearable. When the police asked, why he didn’t just quit, he said he feel sorry for the husband’s condition and want to take care of him. But his wife was rude and intolerance and always angry at him. Then one day, he decided to butcher the lady boss and he continued to the helpless husband. He said he did not feel any regrets but he do wants to apologize to the children. Unbelievable creepy guy…

The second, this gardener was lazy and the lady of the house told him to work… Not clear whether she told him rudely, but probably not…as the maid describe her employees as a nice old couple. Since the gardener rarely worked and just busy sending text messages, the lady fired him. Unable to accept the fact that he is the guilty party in the first place, he killed the couple… Without thinking, without regrets…  

Often, some people really drive you crazy with their stupidity, ignorance, stubbornness, rudeness, and made you feel you can kill them with bear hands… Especially when you are the one who paid them… You are unable to stop angry words from your mouth… And probably they do deserve it… But they do not feel that way… They might realize they were making mistakes… Not only they tried to deny but they won’t accept your disappointment…

Whenever I meet with people with the horrific potential, I keep reminding myself that I will never ever going to use their service again… If you are saying that what I am doing is wrong as it will not help that person learn from their mistakes…well… Some people do not care if they are making mistakes… If you do not like it then just shut up and paid me! If not, then I will kill you tonight since I have got nothing to loose…!

Yeah, I might just another coward…but then I still like to keep on wishing that I will die peacefully in my bed…and definitely not with the BANG! 

Being thorough

 I am sort of reckless person. That I admit. I have been trying to reduce it of course. But nevertheless… I still did that from time to time…

Like one time, I bought fried chicken from this vendor and without checking or even looking I just accepted the exchange and walked out with my meal. Not until I have to used the exchange to buy something else then I noticed that the money has already torn. The right side is missing so it means the money is worthless. I hurried back to the previous vendor and demanded them to switch the money with another one with the same value. Luckily for me I still keep the purchase receipt and lucky again that they are willing to accept it without question. If not, I would end up with torn useless money that can not be used…

Then another day, my cousin told me that the pharmacy where we used to get medicine for my Mom has given us incorrect medicine. Since my cousin has been helping us taking care my Mom for these past two years, she has beginning to recognize the type of medicine that doctors have prescribed to my Mom. So, she asked to the person in charge at the pharmacy why the medicines were different from the prescription. At first, they were like…oh, really? There was no way we do that kind of mistake… But since my cousin brought the book where all doctors need to write the copy of every prescription she then has proof. All the people in pharmacy started to check and realized that they have mistakenly given the medicine to someone else. They started to check the record who has received the medicine and manage to call the lady who received the wrong medicine. The people in pharmacy called her to get back here and they will paid for the taxi fare as long as she hurried back...

While waiting for the lady, people around my cousin started whispering that thing like that has happened more than once. Luckily that my sister still checking the medicine and later they still manage to contact that lady to clear up the mess. Otherwise that lady will drink medicine that was not for her illness and probably will get sicker!

So, did the people in pharmacy saying apology for the mistake? NOPE. They even said that it was that lady’s mistake for not checking it before leaving the pharmacy. Goodness…

These are the things that we need to check before leaving any counter…
Obviously medicine from pharmacy, you do not want to be drinking wrong medicine and end up dead, do you?

Money – either from bank or vendor, to ensure that the money you has receive are all in good order and nothing torn or whatever…

Things that you buy – Before leaving the store, just make sure that the thing you buy is really the thing that you have chosen…

Groceries – This is a bit hard especially when you bought a lot… Often, they put different price from what they have announced previously. If you bought many things, people behind you will snarl impatiently…

Credit card receipt – Once I bought books using credit card totaling in IDR 125,000.00 but the sales girl swipe the card with incorrect amount : IDR 200,000.00!! Luckily I spotted it and informed them. They did apologize and since they were unable to amend it on their cash register, they returned the excess charges with cash instead.

In short, there is nothing wrong to be thorough as both parties can make mistakes once in a while… 

Dreams, imaginations,fantasy...



Ever since I was still toddler, I love watching movie like Star Trek. I have no idea why’s that and my parents especially my mom was really bewildered about it. Every night when the movie was on tv, I sat there alone in front of tv… My mom prefer to sleep rather than to watch some strange creature and a person with long ears sitting inside a room with big button to press… And the casts keep on staring on the screen with nothing but dark sky with stars on it… The funny thing when my mom woke up, she found me has a fever due to over excitement after watching that movie… 


Now that I am (much) older, I still like watching that science fiction kinda movie. Like Stargate AtlantisI really hooked up on this series on this channel : SyFy  every morning. My mom sat with me asking me what kind of movie is that. And shortly I just answered that is about spaceship and everything related to aliens.

She then looked at me and asked, “I completely have no idea what they are talking about… Do you understand it?”
“No, actually I do not… ,” I answered while not letting my eyes off the screen.
“If you do not understand it at all, then why do you even bother to watch it?” my Mom asked me again, this time when the movie finally over.

I looked at her and answered, “ I never really bothered about the detail… Is the imagination that mattered… That’s why I like it…”

Come to think of it, do I really understand about how actually television, handphones or just telephones, internet, digital cameras operate technically? No, I completely don’t. But does that stop me from using it? Of course, not! All I need to know is how to operate all of that for my activities and probably will learn about how they can be operate…maybe later…

That is how we enjoy fantasy and imagination… Often, we do not need to understand how in the heck they are able to fly, why every author creates very different version on vampires… Why common people can do magic but others not in Harry Potter the series? Why every alien can speak English in those American movies?

I like watching spaceship as I thinking…will we ever going to live in that kind of technology? When will that be? Is there really many alien forms living outside our planet? And for movies like magic, naturally I love to think that I can snap my finger and turn someone that I do not like into a toad… But, of course that only live in my imagination only… LOL!

Well, this is probably not a good advice… But then, if we try to put too much logic in it we will not be able to enjoy the fantasy story… Sometimes just let the story flow in your mind and feel it… Imagination is a wide place for us to think about anything and dream almost about everything that can’t be happened in the real world….

So, let the journey of fantasy begins…
As I quoted from Theodor Geisel  ;

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities. 

bad vs good

A friend of mine once told me about her maid. How she drove my friend crazy and finally led to her decision to let her go.

Big city like Jakarta, with so many bad people who always try to find a way to deceive and getting advantage from you…make us hard and not trusting people easily. There are so many ruse that these bad people use to trick other people…

 Anyway, my friend told me her irritation on her maid who always easily talking with strangers in the neighborhood or elsewhere…
“If she is still teenagers or twenty something, I can understand it…, “ she said to me. “But she is fifty, for heaven sakes!”

What made my friend feel irritated because according to her, this maid could draw bad people to her easily. Her maid seems to think that everyone is nice and all of those strangers surely come from her hometown just because they speak in her language. While we know only too well, that language can be learnt.

“Whenever stranger greets her, she greets back. And when they were asking around about us, her employee…she told them almost about everything, “ she continued still irritated. “What if later the stranger turns out to be a robber and break in to our house?”

To her maid, her worries considered over reacting. While to my friend, her maid considered under delusion.

I sometimes think that if we used to live around people who always try to take advantage and trick us, we will be trained to be alert. And our instinct will order us to not easily try anyone especially someone that we hardly know. While the maid, probably used to hang out with people just as simple as she is… Being nice in order to try to steal something or taking advantage is beyond her thinking…

Due to the above reasons, I completely understand why both parties were frustrated to each other and agreed to let go one another without further delay.

If I were my friend, I probably going to kill her myself.... ^^;;

returning it?

Can we ask the thing that we have given to someone else to be returned to us? Whether that a favor, invitation, clothes and lots of other things.

 

I once have friend who gave me invitation for her wedding. My happiness because being invited by her was quick turn into annoyance because she was then said to me that she woul need the invitation back in case she was short of stock on the invitation card. What?

 

So here is the thing. You short of budget, so you can only made about 100 invitations from the shop. After making a list, surely you realized that you are out of stock. Would it be better to handle the situation before giving out the invitation to the-so-called-friend then asked the invitation card to be returned? Where is your ethic in friendship? I would rather receive the invitation verbally straight from the person rather than being asked to return the card. I would rather to be told that she was out of stock so she has no choice but to give the invitation verbally. In the end, she did not ask the invitation card to be returned. But, I was already offended by her rudeness. And even though I finally came to her wedding, I could not forget the thing that she was said.

 

When you gave out help to a person in need, was that because you really feel that you want to help? Or was it because to have this person owe you a big favor in the future? Of course sometimes, I can not blame a person who constantly reminded another person about their big debt of favor. If the help came too easy, people often take that for granted. And they just forget about it. So, I suppose you really must have a really big heart before giving out help. Not so many people care to remember the help that has been given by others nowadays. I do not like to see a person who likes to recall over and over again about the good deed or help that she or he has given to someone else. It was like you are not sincere when you give out the help. Or maybe, there is no such thing as sincerity?

 

But, I have to admit. Sometimes I do get annoyed when I saw someone did not appreciate the gift that I have given to. Let us say like T-shirt. I gave that thing as a gift. But soon after that, I saw that T-shirt has been given to someone else. Now, why I feel so annoyed? I meant I have given that stuff to that person, right? So, it is really up to that person whatever he or she wants to do with that gift. But, why can not we just let go the feeling of being not appreciated?

 

Silly? You tell me.

I am not your punching bag!

I have an acquaintance who has no hesitation to speak rude to her friends whenever she was pissed about something… 

Like for example, she was suppose to have a date with her boyfriend…  But before that, she spent some times with us her friends. Then, it turn out her boyfriend cancelled their appointment in the very last minute… She got angry but knew only too well if she gets furious with her boyfriend, it will end up in a fight… And I suppose she did not want that… Therefore, since she could not launch a deadly missile to her boyfriend she launched them on us… If we talk something a bit wrong, she then says that we are an idiot… And the whole times she keep on bickering or lashes on us if we did just a slightest thing that irritated her…

Recently when I was not in the mood meeting with my friend, I told them that I am sorry but I am not in the condition to have a fun chit chat or gathering… Because I know only too well that I would not be a very pleasant person to be with during in my darkest mood… Of course, I am able to avoid the unpleasant scene since I already having that bitter feeling for a few days… I have no idea what would I do if I just receiving bad news and unable to contain my anger and disappointment in front of the others…

That’s the not so nice part of keeping the friendship alive… You try to be understanding why your friend behave like that… Knowing that she was going through something bad… She probably need to release her anger… And what would be a perfect target other than your understanding friends? Who still able to think with their clear head and wise enough not to snap back in order to avoid silly commotion…. And worst, the end of long time friendship…

Sometimes I do wish I just follow my emotion and simply snap back and if the friendship meant to be over then so be it…

I am tired to be a punching bag to someone who unable to release their anger to the supposedly perpetrator…

Yes, we are your friend and yes…we understand completely what you have been going through… But that is not a reason for you to lashes out your anger and frustration and bitterness and disappointment… Do you honestly think you are the only one who has problem? Do you even think we could get offended? Do you even consider us as your friend?

Probably not…, eh?

I have just a little tiny bit advice for you… If next time you think you are ready to kill someone, then just go home and beat the crap out of that responsible person… Rather than lashing it all out to us your supposedly friends… And if you think we are that idiot...then perhaps you should find another perfect people to hang out with...

Keep Holding On

Yesterday when I was making this posting for a story with friends, I stumble to this song by Avril Lavigne…: Keep Holding On… 

The song is about someone giving support to her acquaintance to keep holding on in their most unbearable moments. Moments when we sometimes think that there is no way out, everything we have tried failed, it seems we fighting in that road all alone with nobody beside us.

Sometimes I feel like that someone in that song. When we find ourselves in trouble often we can’t just find someone to help us… There are things that we have to deal on our own because hey… we are not the only one who has problem in this world… Can we really just share our entire burden to everybody in a desperate attempt so they will help us? No we can not just do that… The problem is ours and nobody else’s.

Since we can not speak to just anyone about our problem, we try to seek the solution by ourselves… We try to deal with the entire problem and the hazards by ourselves… However, in the end we find that all our efforts have given us nothing… The problem is still there, there are additional problems due to the first unsolved problem… One disappointment hit you following by another… Since you have nobody to talk with your mind seems dead and can’t give you anything more to help you get out from your problem….

I wondered whether people committed suicide for feeling so helpless and do not have clear mind to see that tomorrow will be better… Day after day, they are facing reality that their problem is going worst and nobody can lend a hand to do something about it…

You know, no matter how much we say that we are introvert and prefer to be alone, unable to communicate with other people and other lame excuses, we can’t deny ourselves that it is nice and such a relief to have friend. Friend who stand beside us, supporting us either with comforting words or giving solution…

It is nice to know that someone will be there supporting you all the way and keep on reminding that there is something bigger in this life… It will not end just like that even in our most desperate moments… Once in a while, we need one or two friends who reminding us that our life is meant for something… We should never give up hope no matter how deep our trouble is…

Let us keep holding on

Between closed and open doors

Me and my friend are now into searching quotes to be placed on our twitter account or Facebook’s. We want to have something to remind us about life, its struggle and well… you know…

Then, just now I found this quote:
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us – from Alexander Graham Bell.

It sort of hit me right in my heart because I am that kind of person.

   Like for example, I am in desperate need to buy this medicine. To have this medicine I need money. Therefore I try to find work to earn money in order to get that medicine. But according to my boss my work is not giving good result. So, if previously he was about to pay me 100, but due to my poor job I only receive half of it. I am sooo disappointed thinking that a door has been closed for me… I keep on moaning over my failure and blaming myself, blaming the condition, blaming all people around me… I need to be angry and can’t get over that failure… I busied myself thinking what have I done? Where did exactly my wrong doings? Why I could not accomplish thing that I have been planning to reach? Why oh why? Even, after the boss offers me to work over time and there would be extra cash enough to cover the price of that medicine…I did not take it… I am too busy to worry about thing that has passed me and ignore the other arriving opportunity. In the end, I get nothing…

Is not that I do not realize my bad habit… It is not only effectively destroying my spirit but successfully drive people away from me… People that actually want to help but feel reluctant after seeing my moaning and complaining. I can keep on doing that forever… Don’t know why I feel I need to be angry to get more strength to deal with another failure in the future. See?  I am even planning to fail again in the future… Not only once but more to come… I feel there is no way my condition is going to get better… In fact I am pretty sure it going to get worse… I convince myself that there will be no way out and I am just going to drop dead on the street…. Kinda depressing, right?

Anyway…, within this posting I do want to say thank you to my friends who have been very patient with me as always during my darkest mood…

Failed to open one door, does not mean we should just stop in trying to get another door to be opened… Who knows? Maybe it will opened to us and give better result than we ever expected…

KEEP UP THE GOOD HOPE!

May God bless Indonesia

Today my country : Indonesia celebrated its independence day for 65 years old…

  Some people including me sometimes have been asking ourselves…what are we really celebrating about? A friend of mine even said that we are now living in much worse condition than before!

From where should I start? Collusion, corruption, nepotism, poverty, poor education, racism, suspicion between religious organizations, natural disasters or disaster caused by certain people that do not want to take responsible, fail in preserve the nature and many more…

Sure, we can be disappointed and asking ourselves what is the meaning of freedom when we do not feel safe in our own country? Why we should be proud being an Indonesian? Even my dad once said life was better for him when Indonesia was under the Dutch. People at least learnt other language aside our own. Plus, being controlled by other nation made all of our people regardless their ethnic groups…forget their differences and fight together for one goal only. To get the so called thing : freedom… I often wondered, if those nameless people who died in the war fighting for this country believing they are going to give better life for next generation will arise knowing the current situation….

I remembered being scared when I was sitting in the church to finish the mass on Christmas Eve after we were being bombed. Yeah, after that our priestess asked us to keep on staying to continue the mass and pray for our beloved country. A country that has betrayed us by letting those people hurt us…

And yet, here we are… Still here, live in this country… To be honest, do I feel proud being an Indonesian? I would say that 50 – 50… Indonesia has everything… Natural resources and beautiful islands… However, after 62 years of freedom we are still unable to use if for better good. So, when it comes to the nature…oh, I am so very proud. But when it comes to the people…hmmm, maybe not so much…

Should I move to another country? Maybe I can, if God is willing me to do so…, then what? Let us just say that I moved to Australia. Will people there acknowledge me as an Australian? Nope. I will always be recognized as an Indonesian living in Australia and officially becoming Australian resident.

And since there is slim chance that I am going to live abroad…, I am just being realistic and just face the music… Other people maybe suck does not mean I am suck… I may have nothing to give to this country but at least I am not going to make it any worse… 

So, again… Am I proud being an Indonesian? Probably not so much… If someday I have the chance to go abroad and people asked my origin… I will simply said…well, I am from Indonesia…and have always been one…

May God bless Indonesia

Dare to have debt...then you should pay!



Having debts is like having two different sides of a coin. The other side is helping you while the other one is trapping you to the ugly side… What I mean by saying the ugly side… you decided that you still need the money after all and therefore has hesitation when comes the time to return the debt. You start to think that you could actually use the money to get more money… or perhaps you start to realize that you still need more and therefore unable to return the money…  

What really ugly is when you decide to use that loan money to buy for stuffs you do not really need… Just to be shown around or to preserve that foolish pride… You are having debts because you are being such an impulsive buyer or simply a consumptive person. If there is anything new, then you have to buy it… You do not want other people to think that you have no money therefore you are unable to follow up with whatever the trend now. The trend can be about fashion or gadget or luxurious life style. In order to keep up with all of that, you are willing to borrow money from people around you… Not to mention having several credit cards… And then when it comes the time to pay, you start to live in denial hoping that all debts will be magically wiped away… You do know that even a fairy god mother will not be able to help you in that horrific situation.

Then people will start talking behind your back that nobody shall ever lend you any money again… As they starting to get used with your lies such as :

“Oh, please lend me some money… I need it for paying heart operation for my dad….” – and the next day you walk in with a brand new cellphone

“I know this is very sudden request, by I have to pay tuition fee for my son… I promise I will return it to you once I have more cash…” – and the next two days you swing around a new pair high heels…

“My mom has a tumor that needs to be removed… The doctor said she need to be operated urgently… Please help me out… “ – and yet there you are with a brand new handbag…

And yet, when people try to collect the money you will give them any kind ridiculous reasons or pretend that you have no idea that you should paid a lot of money to many people around you.

Your friends, colleagues and families probably decided to waive the loan knowing you will never be able to pay… And as a return, they gossiping about you or even just simply mock you around deliberately… But debt collectors from credit card company will not be as “nice” as that…

First they will terrorize your families especially those whose names stated in the application form as someone related and therefore should be responsible for you. These debt collectors will not ask nicely. Instead they will scream at you over the phone calling your names and talking dirty that can make elderly get a hear attack. They will also calling your colleague in the office asking them whether you really work there…and ask them to tell you to paid that debt.

The worst part, if you are working…they will simply call your Human Resources Dept or your boss and tell them about you refusing to pay your debt… You could lose your job because your company will consider you as a liability.

Those are only few bad things from having debts and refusing to pay them…

Be a grown up! You dare to have debts then you have to pay!

No mistake

I think once I wrote about younger kids able to grasp new things quickly or should I say that they are faster learner than us… Probably because they have no idea what would happen if they make a mistake…so, they give it a try to do things at their best… Often, we have to let them know and learn from the mistake… And sometimes, we have to be like them… Thinking the way they see the world…and just do it… with no worries whether we are going to make mistake or not…

  But, there are several things in life when grown ups decided that they have to interfere regardless the consequences… Like protecting their kid from something that they know it will ruin the future of those kids…

Someone I know share me something that has been bugging her… Her teenage daughter is having (sort of) a relationship with older guy. Well, if her daughter is already 20 and the guy is 26, we will not care… But her daughter is still 14 and the guy already reach 20…and still studying in the university. What she did not like, ever since her daughter get involve with this guy, she forgot all the things that she wanted… Like get a scholarship and continue her studying… She even lied to her mother about her relationship with this guy knowing that her mother did not approve. And later, she found out that her daughter has been receiving text messages about making love or about getting married or whatever…  That guy even taught her daughter not to disagree with her parents in order to avoid suspicion from her family… They make it sound so dramatic with words, “Even if the world against us…we will be together forever…”
(Maybe they have been watching too much of Romeo and Juliet…and forgot to notice that the couple is end up dead and not living together happy ever after)

She asked me whether her action is correct in stopping her daughter getting involved with that guy…

Well, first… I would not know since I have never been in a relationship… But, I do know that getting married is another journey to adulthood… And I am sorry but for me being 14 years old is not an adult. At that age, everything still looks beautiful, magical, lovable and romantic… Sure, we can imagine sharing a shack together until we grow old… but seriously do we really want to raise a kid inside a shack? What if they just do it and that guy refuse to take responsibility when the girl finally gets pregnant? We can not just say, okay…this is a mistake… Now that you have learnt it from your experience, please make sure you will not do this again in the future… Hallo? They just create another human being that need to be fed… Will she mentally up to it?

Then how will we know to separate when we should let the people we know learn from their mistakes and when we should just interfere for good?

Only we, ourselves can answer that… 

No easy way to the top

Recently I have been watching this reality show about the next supermodel or something… and it sort of opened my eyes about their kind of business… 

Noooo, not that model only sitting around and take a pose and voila they get paid in the enormous amount of money… I know their job though somewhat look so glamorous but actually takes tiring process… Imagine, you have to get up early in the morning… Get  all your make up equipment if you must…then go to the location for photo shooting… There, already many people waiting for you to make you up, dress you up and you have to know what the photographer want from you… You have to know how to give out that expression as per their expectation… The location it self already challenging… Sometimes the model has to dangle in the air…to make it look as if they are flying… or under water… or standing on the slippery rock… And they still have to smile a lot… Have to look gorgeous even if their feet already hurt by the high heels…or probably have a headache… I think teenagers who wish to be a model thinking that they are going to have an easy quick way to earn a living should watch that show…

So, what did I learn? Well, there is no easy way to reach to the top… Even that reality show seems like an instant way to achieve success but it shows us the other way around…  I saw many girls enthusiastic joined the show… Thinking that finally that one door from many doors finally open and will lead them to the glory in the end of the road. And along the way those girls failed one by one to meet with the judges requirements.

One of the episodes was about taking photos under water. One model fear of loosing air but in the end she managed to push herself and posed for the camera. The other did not… She arguing about her asthma… and you know what they said to her? A lot of people with asthma manage to go diving under water…

So, again…it is about how bad you want that job… How bad do you want it in your life so you will put aside your fear and any other obstacles… How bad do you want it so you are willing to put everything else behind and move forward to get what you want…

That is something that I learn… Is not something new to be learned about … But once in a while I need it to remind myself…

Positive thinking

Last week I went to Dunkin Donuts just to chill out and enjoyed nice evening… Just by myself, a triple chocolate donut, ice chocolate and my laptop. It is located near this big book store in my town: Jakarta , called GRAMEDIA… It was Saturday afternoon; so many children inside the book store…and thanks God not so many inside Dunkin Donuts.

 As usual, I lost track of times whenever I glued to my laptop… Especially accompanied with things that I like… So, after my eyes got sore…I finally turn off my laptop and prepare to go home… That was when I saw the rains pouring down hard outside Dunkin Donuts… I sighed… I have no choice but to walk inside to the book store. Why was I sighing? Well, I have this huge not so light laptop to be carried around… And Gramedia Book Store is having this huge sale on old books and comics…for more than a month already… This is bad because I am going to be tempted to buy more books…again… But, I suppose buying more books would be better than eating more chocolates …so there I went…

And I was right… I bought three books…again! They are The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate Di Camillo, When you stop being Barbie by Mary Pierce (well I have never been a BARBIE…I just like the title and it only cost me 50 CENTS! Yup! Half of USD 1) and the last one The Kingfisher book of Classic Christmas Stories selected by Ian Whybrow… Sighed… I knew it I should have not entered a book store that giving out discounts…! 


Anyway, seeing those scattered books on the floor, I asked an online friend… What would she think if someday in the future her book would be one of these discounted scattered books on that floor…? She answered back that she would love to see one of her future books laying there…someday…

I shared that with another friend and she responded positively by saying naturally my other friend wishes that way… Because it will mean that her (future) book is published and out to the readers out there… And that is a positive way to see it… Rather than thinking gloomily that readers does not like your book so the store finally giving them all out in unbelievable cheap price…but see it in this way… IT HAS BEEN PUBLISHED! And, it will mean many people able to buy it as the price has gone cheaper…

To tell you the truth… I am looking forward to that moment….

Something better left unsaid

  I know that honestly is very important in this life… But since I am a bit touchy person, being honest often is something that I avoid the most… And of course I considered some not-so-important questions should not be asked…

Like for example… why you put your kid in that school? I heard the quality of the teacher is not good… But is a school with cheap tuition… is that the reason you put your kid into that school… BONK! You will get a slap on the face for asking that ridiculous question… Sure, you probably curious if that person usually bragging almost about everything in her life…but suddenly decided to put her children to a place known for its bad quality… Well, do we really need to know for our own reference (from a really good point of view?)? Or we just asked to find out the real reason from that person and happily spread it to others?

Other time I once asked my old time friend why on earth she gave birth to her first child after being pregnant for about 6 month only… I remembered she was married on December but the baby was delivered around May… So, with curiosity I asked her jokingly whether she has received “DOWN PAYMENT” before the wedding… That was rude, right? Even for a close friend… Obviously my friend denied the idea and said that the baby born premature… and that was it… That was really a kind of question that I should have not asked and better keep it for myself. If my friend really want to share it with me she would have told me earlier before I even pop the question.

Sometimes, I still have questions about things that out of the ordinary… But as I grow older, I find that is not so amusing anymore and unless I need the information related to a life and death situation…I suppose I just need to keep my mouth shut.

But perhaps I do that because I also hate being asked question that for me really not suppose to be asked… Like, why am I so fat? (Yes, someone did ask me that kind of question). Or, why don’t you put more make up so you can attract men? Seriously, do you really want to know about all of that? It made me feel like a soap opera’s actress…

In short, asked what you need to know…but please…use your brain and your heart a bit… That is, if you (or me) still have any of those…

Lift

When my mom was still in the hospital, i have to use the lift regularly if I need to go out for lunch...

One day, there was this lady from another floor who also standing with me inside the lift. I noticed she has this bracelet on her arm, indicating that she is also a patient... She seems forgot to hit the button on which floor she want to get off... So, she has to go all the way to the 4th floor with me... I headed out once the lift arrived at the 4th floor and leave her... Then about 20 minutes later I have to buy something from the canteen and found out the old lady was still there...!

She must have seen the confuse look on my face so she immediately said that she was too afraid to be inside the lift by herself.
"Once I was trapped inside all alone and really scared....," she told me. "Since then on I do not want to be left alone inside this lift and I would wait for others to use this lift... So, I at least have company if the lift broke down or something..."

I can't help but smile... If she told me earlier I would not mind to go downstairs again to accompany her....

And something else cross my mind that most people will look for others to share their concern, worries, fright, problems but only a few look for others to share their happiness and love...

Or maybe I am just being cynical...again...

Dark vs light

A few years ago, when watching this sitcom of The Nanny I heard something funny that I still use it up to now…
In that scene, the leading actress said to the leading actor that she like posing under the dim light. Because when women hit thirty something the only light that good for posing is those not so bright light…
I laughed so hard and telling that to all my friends every times we were about to take a picture… Well, we all above thirty and admit that using blitz when taking pictures does not give us any better look… With blazing light, our wrinkles, our pimples, our tired eyes will all be there in that picture… While under the dim light…we will be able to hide all of that…

Then recently I have been watching this reality show about super model… And all those people in the modeling industry keep on saying that light is model’s best friend. That light will give them the best of their look… If they are backing away from the light, their photos will not look good and their faced sort of shadowed or something like that… They need to know where the light is to ensure getting better photos of their beautiful face. The face that they want everybody to know…how gorgeous and lovely that million dollar face…

If you have bigger body than everybody else…dark colors (preferable black) are recommended to hide those flaws in your body… If you have nothing to hide and want to flaunt it…then white or any lighter colors will do the job for you…

 And I was like… WOW!

If you have something or everything to hide, you will seek the dark… And while you have everything to be shown off to the whole wide world…because you afraid of nothing …then you will seek the light…

We will be hiding in the darkness if we want to hide about our sin or our flaws from other people. We masked ourselves in order for other people have no idea about the real us. We will do the other way around if we are just being sincere and have nothing to hide from others.

Does my thinking make any sense?

Sexual harassment

Recently there have been many reports on sexual harassment on the bus… But the reality told us that these kind indecent acts towards women have been happening for ages…

I have that kind of experience when I was still sitting in the university. That day I went home using the usual bus… And like always, the bus was full with people … I was lucky enough to get a seat second from the window… So, I have to put up with people standing beside me …if they swing their bag pass my face or worst has bad odor... Only for that particular day, people with bad odor would be the least of my concern…

When I was busy with my thoughts while sitting on that seat, I felt something funny rubbing my shoulder… At first I did not think of anything because…heck…the bus was crowded with so many people… Why should I even think this person try to rub his MR P to my shoulder for pure fun of his sick mind? For minutes ahead I tried not to think about anything bad though I started to feel annoyed… I was not sure what to do… Should I scream at this guy? But what if he denied everything? Worst he then mocked me back saying that I was the one who has dirty mind? Since I started to feel irritated I decided to block this pervert guy. I put my backpack beside me so his MR P could not be rubbed to my shoulder or my upper arm. He seems get the idea that I know about his unbelievable behavior and move to somewhere else. Probably to his next victim, I have no idea until a girl beside me who sit near the window excuse herself to get ready get off from the bus and another girl sit beside me. I was moving to the seat near the window when that girl asked me whether a guy try to rub his MR P to me… I said yes and asked her how did she know?

“He tried to do the same with me….,” her face full with frustration… “I wish I could kick him but what was my proof?”


What I really hates about this sexual harassment that women are the victim but again they are the one who got blamed. Many people (including women themselves!) saying that would not happen if we wear something decent and not provoke other people to do bad things to us.

Please, that is so lame excuse! I have been asking around, these pervert people do their act on anybody… I once heard their jerking around in front of pregnant woman, they pinched body part of women wearing Jilbab (Islamic clothes for women covering their hair, ears and reveal face only)… Honestly, were these women wearing something sexy or provoke others to harass them? I do not think so.

These people are simply sick in mind and thinking they can get away with it… I once read in the newspaper, one of the perpetrators was asked why did he do that? And you know what? His answered really makes me feel sorry for his mother…to have a son like that… He said he just doing that for fun and have no serious purpose…

I am so glad that authorities starting to take this thing seriously and the perpetrator will have to face sentence in the name of Indonesian Law…

Take that you sick perverted people! This is the time when you can no longer said that it is women’s fault by wearing sexy clothes to provoke your behavior!!!

Bad mood

I think I really depend on my mood whenever I want to write about something…

If my mood is good, then suddenly I can think almost about everything… I can write about this dirty torn money or about a tree in front of my house or imagining a romantic love story beyond my imagination…

I remembered when I still have lots things to do in the office… plus with my parents being ill and all of that… I focused everything on the job and to my parents… I could not think of anything else other than that… Writing was barely come to mind… Even if I forced myself to write…usually only in short or full with bitter words as an expression from my current state of mind. Plus, probably because of exhaustion of doing the never ending work and concentrate on my parent’s health problem drain my energy a lot. All I could think just to get some rest to do everything all over again in the next day.

I suppose do the same thing over and over again from day to day also could block your mind to write something. You do everything automatically; you will not bother to notice about something that may look different that catch your attention. After all, we write things that attract us or bugging us in a sort of ways…

Just like right now, my online friend asked me to join her and others in writing story together… I was not in the mood to write about something cheerful or romantic or happy so I wrote another bitter story... The story of loosing hopes and finds that every doors have been closed and there is no way out whatsoever…

Going out and just sit for hours in another place sometimes help to ease my mind and give me an idea or two to be written… Or grab a children book that always about hope, love and overcome sadness could trigger something in this moody heart … I hope I could avoid the laziness due to this bad mood … Because to tell you the truth, is hard to think of something to write when your heart and mind is sad and tired… 

Friendship forever...not...


Have any of you saw this movie : Bride Wars? The story about two friends planning to get married in the same place ever since they were still very young…

I am not going to talk about how absurd the story was like how a school teacher could afford to get married in such prestigious place which I assume only the rich able to do so… But…, I am going to talk about something else…

Having a friend for eternity is something that I really admire the most… Of course, learning from that movie that the friendship is also going through disagreement, misunderstanding, backstabbing but in the end…they realize they were being silly and soon they become friends again…

What made a friendship end in the middle of the road?

I often read about seasonal friends, friend who only there when you need them like friends during you start a new activity….for example in the gym or biking and such… They are only there to accommodate you enjoying the activity or a situation…after that they will walk out from your life without you realizing it…

You are still single while your friend already married… You are still working while your friend is a devoted housewife leaving her career to be at home. At first, both of you probably still have things to be talked about… Soon enough you will run out topic of conversation about your daily life… I think if both of you and your friend still open minded and take turn to listen and share stories…everything will be fine. But if one of you try to force your preference topic of conversation…the friendship probably will dried up for quiet some times until the moment you feel that you miss each other… 

One of you just using the friendship for personal benefit… I do not have to tell you that once one party finally gain whatever hidden agenda then the friendship will no longer be useful… Especially when one party fail to achieve what they really want from the friendship…, they will think that this friendship is a total waste of time and eagerly move on to another victim. This kind of friend is sort of like a parasite or a leech that will suck you up till you dried up.

You have been friend with this person for eternity and think that you can do or say whatever you please as your friend surely understand that you mean no harm. This kind of behavior will lead only to disaster until each party realize that they should not take their own friend for granted. That sometimes your friend just want you to appreciate them and not just considerate them as a door mat only.

Anybody wish to add more?

Decisions and consequences

 You know what, have you ever noticed that when you need something badly nothing ever going to come on your way…? Like when you need a job badly, none ever going to come to you… Even after all those countless application letters that you have sent to God only know where… You wait for the calling from any company, big, small, legal, illegal…but none ever come…

Eventually, when a call comes to offer you a job even with a very small salary and seems have no future in whatsoever, you would take it anyway… As you need that first chance, to have experience in the real world…to learn is it true that everything you learn in the university will be useless? Aaaannnd…yes … It is useless… But that would be another story… Anyway, like I said since you have been waiting for a chance…then when ones finally come you decided to have it… Small salary, no medical allowance…who cares… What is important that you finally get the job…

And then when you finally settling down with this job, suddenly you receive many offers that you have been waiting previously… And you were like… oh no… Should I take the offer or not? But if I take that offer, will that mean I have to start from the bottom again and face the uncertainty? While I am not already settling in and seems I have good future with this one…

You know what… Sometimes I think life is playing with us… We never get anything that we really want the most… The thing that we need…we never really going to get it on time when we think that we need it… And after a while, we decided…oh fine… I am going to have whatever I am going to have…
I guess perhaps this is sort of the step appreciate everything that you have got at this moment no matter how small it is… Because you know is hard to get it and even though it may far below from your expectation…you need to appreciate it anyway… 

Then, when you finally settling down and whoosh…you receive so many offer that widen your choices… It was like you are forced to make a decision… What is it going to be… Are you going to stay in the comfort zone or you daring yourself to accept the kind offer and try to find something new in the unknown zone?

Either way, whatever decision that we make in our life…we just need to suck it up… We have to be responsible for our choices and accept whatever consequences from the decision and try hard and harder to find a way to over come the consequences…

Yeah, easier to be said than done…

I am still working on it… Really, really hard….