Holding a grudge

 A few weeks ago there was this news about a mountain that has been inactive for quiet sometimes and then suddenly erupted... Due to that eruption, people who live around the mountain has to leave to avoid the damage caused by it.

I suppose when we hold the anger, the frustration, the grudge for a very long time...just keep on pilling up until the point when we feel already too much... Suddenly we realized that we can not keep it down inside any longer. Then all the burden kept inside just erupted one day.

My friend once said, she know someone who always easily get angry but then in a few moments after let it all out, the person just calm down. So, the anger dissapeared as fast as the first explosion. But, if by any condition makes a person can not just blurt it out their anger or dissapointment, it just stay there. Inside their heart. And then, it happens again... Another one that they can not be expressed to others. And when finally comes the times to blow them all up...it will hit wrong people. Create another problem it will dangerously erupt one day and bring damages to everyone around us.

Sometimes, in the meaning of avoid any pointless argument or dissagreement we decide not to retort back on something that people have said or done to us... Or, perhaps in the family the younger members feels that it is inapproriate for them to counter back about something has been said on them by the elder. And since that on, they start to hold the grudge towards all people. People who perhaps in society have higher status, or in the family is someone a lot older or in the office is the employer.

 Not all people know how to counter back in the most gracefully manner on the hurtful things that have been said to them. And the most important thing is, we have no idea how to just let it go and erase them from our heart and mind. Maybe we have tried to, but then the same person keep on doing it again and again. And we just hate them a lot more...

I do not know how to advise myself let alone other people to stop pilling up sadness and anger for such a long time. As it will consume us and bring nothing good to ourselves. And probably to others who sincerely care for us.

I can not say, word is just word... They are meaningless. Maybe we should just write them down on a piece of paper and burn it afterwards. So, perhaps we can start to let go and reduce that pile of anger and bitter resentment before erupted and destroy us all.

Older does not always wiser

To tell you the truth, I have never ever read the story of Romeo and Juliet… Yeah, I know… shame on me… I only knew the story from a movie ages ago… About how they are unable to be together because feud between their families. 

Anyway, I am not going to discuss the love story. I want to discuss about parents from both of the families… Don’t you think that they are kinda childish? They push their children to do something that they do not like (okay, most parents probably does that…), they only think about themselves and not for the sake of their children, they refuse to sit down and talk things over, all they know…that since they have been sworn enemies then their children must continue the feud as well. It is a bit tragic because I am sure they probably already kinda lost what drive them to against one another in the first place.

I do admit that though people being aging and all that…, does not automatically makes them any smarter let alone any wiser.

I never appreciate people who in their disagreement feel the need to drag along their families into it as well. Sure, they probably feel bit insecure and need support. And who will be a better supporter if not your own family? To ensure the support you started to influence your family about the disagreement with your opponent. Probably you are exaggerating a bit to get their sympathy. Most definitely they are going to trust you and just follow your rude behavior to entire families of your opponent. In return, your opponent does not need to convince the family as they have seen what kind of behavior you have given to them.
Rude have to be response with the same one or worst if it must.

And this is come from people who are already much older and yet simple minded. The family probably inherited that as well because they do not process what has happened in the past. They just swallow it and you, the elder; being the one who influence them feel so damn proud that your entire family even the youngest one are all behind you. You have been successfully take your family to the party with theme: Behaving badly towards people that you do not like. You did that because you need supporter how righteous you are! The mistakes must have been on another person. They just did not understand you.  

Oh well…

We are not perfect, right? I remembered that when I have enemy I also want my closest friend stop hanging out with that person. Both of us have to stick together to hate that person because you have been hurt. If you find that your friend still hanging out with the enemy you will soon feel betrayed. Worst case, you probably stop seeing them all together and just ride off to find anyone who can pleases you. Just like a silly ignorant kid…

Sighed…

Communication

 When I was about to finish my education in the university, like other fellow students I have to make a paper related to my major subject. I have to prepare the paper and give a presentation in front of three teachers who would decide whether I would pass or not.

While preparing the paper, my teacher who also my counselor taught me something about the presentation.
"Before you reading it outloud to us who obviously understand what you are trying to explain but pretend not to, try to read it in front of someone who illiterate... If that illiterate person can understand what you are talking about...then your paper is good..."

I was like...hmmm, that's made sense... Giving presentation is something you do to explain about certain matter to other people and in the end naturally you wish they will be interested with what you have been explaining instead of feeling bored. The stressfull part, I was about to give a presentation to a bunch of teachers who obviously understand the theory and obviously the topic... They can be pretending they are not understand anything but if I miss something they will soon find out and attack me with it...

If I do explain to someone who illiterate as per my teacher suggested to me, I am going to get two type of response. If they do not understand at all what I was babbling about they will just sat politely and stared blankly (if not sleepy) to me and obviously have no question whatsoever from the presentation. If they do understand, they will light up and star and start asking question, probably ask you to give more explanation on several points.

There are things that only us who can understand how it has happenned. When we asked to share that knowledge to others, we just can't find the exact word to help them understand. I suppose to know how to coomunicate with other people is really crucial. Especially if we do jobs that related to other people. Once they can understand what you are trying to explain, both of you will parted happily at the end of conversation. If not, the conversation will take longer time, both of you are going to feel frustrated and bored...and in the end both parties get nothing at all...

And people say communication is easy...sighed...

do you know...?



Do you want to know why people never just blurted out at you about your stupid on going mistakes?

1. Because they are selfish enough to keep the relationship with you in a long term.
2. They are too coward to get the outburst from you right at the moment they told you about the mistake
3. The scare feeling that you may do something hurtful in return (this is probably because you are joining a killing squad or something bad...)
4. Worry that they do not know to tell you in the right way in order to avoid you getting offended
5. Silently pray in vain hoping that there will be a miracle that will open your eyes so you will realize your mistakes
6. Seeing that this relationship with you will be in a short term and thereofore feel no obligation to tell you about it
7. Enjoy it seeing that you constantly makes that mistakes and have high hope you will never ever be able to change it in the future
8. Can't wait for you to get into troubles for the mistakes you keep on making...
9. They remember how you behave when you were informed about the mistake, and decide not to say anything in the future...
10. They know that you are responsible for your own act, therefore decide not to get involved...

So, do you prefer no 1 - 5? Or the rest of the reasons? Or none of the above...

Love is blind...

Love is blind, hate is awareness...

You know, when you close to someone...as a friend or as a lover...you will find absolutely no flaw on that person... I think I should add being deaf as well when we are close to someone special.

Many people might say, oh be careful woith that person... You will be surprised to know that the person is not really you think he/she is... Or, he snore, she shops like crazy, she or he hate children, he does not get along with your friends let alone your family... But, knowing that he or she is nice, devoted, caring for you... Ah, well... Other people will not understand... Or...is it?

I remember someone that I knew once in the past refuse me to go with her to her house. I thought that she probably has a messy room (like mine) and therefore does not want her friend to witness it... But, later after realizing her true personality, thinking back I realized the real reason why she did not want me to go to her house. Her house is just plain and simple and ordinary. Nothing wrong with that. But totally different with her life style... She always telling us a story that she went to the coolest places, knows important people, hanging around with the haves... Looking at her life style, you would think she live in a mansion or something... But, I did like hang around with her at that time so nohing negative cross my mind...

After we are not having a close relationship with certain person, all the things they have done or said...suddenly we are aware that all those things were actually real negative facts from them. We were like," Oh...now I know why she said that... Or why he did that... What a cocky person..." And the realization could go on forever...

When we like people, all we have is this positive energy that will not allow us to think something negative about them... But once we hate them, our senses are being opened and we realize the real truth from that person... And therefore we are surrounded with negativity... And even that person once bring happiness in our life, we will never be able to see it ever again...

Always wants more...

 I remembered when I was still longing to have a laptop… I could only look with envy, desire and wishing and dreaming to others people who bring their laptop. I could not afford because the price was really expensive…

Then year after year, finally I have the chance to buy my very first laptop. My cousin told me to start to think what kind of laptop that I would want to buy… Since I am a totally moron when it comes to technical details…I told him I would need nothing else as long as I can use the laptop to type… Standard programs like MS Word and Excel. He looked me exasperated and said, “You sure about that? I have accompanied many people buying their first laptop… All have said the exact same words as you… Then a few months later, they came to me and asked why their laptop becoming so slow in processing of almost about everything… I checked… It turn out they install so many games or programs… “

So, he continued that he did not want me to have a laptop with minimalist capability and little storing capacity…and later I will regret that I have bought it and want something else… Not a problem if money is not an issue and we both know I have limited budget… So, after discussing with him and my other cousin I finally bought my first laptop. My other cousin asked me if that laptop was not too heavy for me to carry around… And the idiot me said, “Oh, I think I will be using a lot more at home… I can use it at the living room or outside… I do not think I dare enough to bring it out of the house…” 

Then, a few months later I try to bring my laptop to the mall and boom! The reality hit me that my laptop is so heavy I almost want to throw them out of the bus! As per your guessing, I start to dream to have another new laptop… The one that I can carry around the city without have to break my arm…

We are always like that in life… When we do not have the thing that we want…we sort of pray that hopefully someday it will be in our possession… The simplest version of it will be enough to make us happy… Then after we have it, we no longer satisfied with it and want something more… We never happy with what we have… Always able to see any flaws or what that thing missing of… But, when we do not have it…we become obsessed by it… Hoping that someday we can have it and promise that would be the last thing that we want on earth… After that we want nothing else… or should we say we want a lot more…

I guess it is just the way of the most of us… We always want something more (usually something we can’t have or…not yet)… But we hardly look at the thing that we have at this moment… I want, me want, want, want, want… Wondering if we have been given the world…perhaps we are going to ask a garden in heaven?

Irksome

I know that everybody is different and clearly not always in an agreement about something. I also understand that people sometimes can be defensive when we ask them about certain things… Or try to help them by suggesting a better way to do something… If they are being defensive by it, I can understand. Maybe I did not say it in acceptable words so that’s how they react to it… Or they prefer to do it with their own way as for them is more comfortable that way… Okay, I admit… I used find it hard why they can’t understand that I just want them to think or do in the right way… But, later I realized that my way is not always right for other people… So, I let it pass…

Then suddenly those exact same people who were defensive and offended by my suggestion have changed their mind. They started to follow the way that I have once suggested to them or agree with the opinion that I have shares with them ages ago. At first I was like…wow… I did a poor job convincing them in the past… Just look at them now! They are now doing and think and act all the things that I have suggested to them in the past… Okay…

But what irk me when they start to suggest me to do the same thing that I have once suggest them to do… Like for example, your friend usually put two spoons of sugar in their coffee. And you suggest that she better take just one spoon to avoid diabetic problem in the future. Plus, the coffee won’t be tasted too sweet. Naturally, she became defensive and saying that she like her coffee that way. And offended as she feel she was not fat (from health suggestion could go over the board with weight problem) so she has nothing to worry about getting diabetic. OKAY… Right now, who knows she got her influence but good for her anyway. Then everyday she irks you by saying that you should take just one spoon of sugar to your coffee to keep the bitter taste and to avoid diabetic. Will you be looking at her thinking whether is this a payback time or she just want to joke around by imitating you? Or she simply feel overwhelmed by this new (BUT OLD) information and therefore try to share the same feeling but fail to notice that you have done that ages ago? HELLO?

I really wish to say in front of their faces some thing like, “I do not want to gloat but do you even remember that I AM THE ONE who ADVICE you to do this in the first place? Do you? Do You? DO YOU?”


Listen and see

 People often said, you have to know how to listen instead of just hear… Or learn how to see rather than just watch…

I suppose those words means that we have to pay attention on our surrounding… or when people tell a story to you…or during the year of being a student.

Just think about it. You are in the class and you watch your teacher standing there and hear her explaining Math on the white board. What you did not see is your teacher is wearing a band-aid on her forehead and definitely did not listen to whatever she was explaining about…

So, when people I asked you like, “Hey, what’s on Mrs X’s forehead? And can you explain to me what she was talking about?” You could probably look at that person blankly as you have no idea what is it about…

Just the same like professional photographer saying to the model, “You look pretty but your eyes were empty on this photo…”
And you look at the photo and watch and thinking hard… I have not seen anything wrong with this photo… The model looks drop dead gorgeous… What’s about those eyes with empty staring? She is not dead…
That’s because we can not see it the real expression… They said, that when you are happy you do not have to show it with too overly wide smile stuck on your face. Your eyes will speak the word without need a single word or smile. Sure, we can say we have no experience with that kind of observation. WHICH is why we should be learning to see, right?

Your friend poured her broken heart story for almost 3 hours… If you do care, you will listen to every word she said and get a headache at home… While listening carefully and keep it in your memory, it sort of drain your energy… As your friend moving her negative thinking and energy through her story to you… But, if you bored and think 1 hour of listening is enough…you probably just hear her moaning, crying, whining, but have no memory whatsoever on whatever she told you. The good thing for you, you will be able to deny perfectly if other people ask about your friend’s story in detail. The bad news is, if your friend asked, “Do you remember him? The one I told you the other night?”  And you just give that pretending blank expression, again… :D

Paying attention will allow you to absorb the information and processed it in our mind… I suppose by seeing more thoroughly or listening more carefully, we will be able to notice something different in the way people talk or walk, or see the beauty of the painting that others can’t seems to find it…

Yeah, need to say no more… It is a hard task and I do wish I will be able to do so… My ears usually start to block hearing things that makes me dizzy or bored or sleepy… Things that I do not understand will bore me to death… Which is a pity… I just shut myself to learn a lot more…

One time at a time

My Dad jokes with me about my writing on the magazine the other day. He asked whether I have written many articles or at least a book.

Embarrassedly, I admitted to him that I have not written another article or even for a book. I am still working on it until now. And feel that I have reached this so-called writer’s block. Only it has taken longer times than I have expected. And that drive me a bit frustrated. I also told him about my manuscript that has been rejected for the third time by publisher.

Then my Dad said to me that it does not matter about me still stuck here or got rejected few times. He said that it would be better that way. I have to go through the process one step at a time. Maybe through rejections, getting nowhere in my writing as I have run out of ideas, getting small payment for my creation.

“All of that processes are necessary for you… I would rather you went through many difficulties at first then enjoy your success later, “ said my father to me.

According to my Dad, often people do not appreciate what they have if they are able to have it in such a short time. He is probably right. I have seen so many people easily get important position and they think that life has been great for them and there are no such things as difficulties and problems. They tends to look down on other people around them who already been in that place for a long time but still have the same position.

I also remember when I was younger in high school. My parents always say to me that if I want that new walkman (well, sorry… We did not have technologies such as IPOD in the 80’s) then I have to study hard for my exams… Before I get good grades, my parents would never give anything that I want just like that. If you think that it was sounds like a bribe…well, let’s think positive. At least I studied harder in order to get what I want… The good grades, mind you ;) Walkman is just a bonus.
Imagine if my parents just gave it to me that walkman… I would probably have lost it, or tossed it, or lend it or even accidentally destroyed it. Why? There is no attachment to it as I got it so easily. So, I lack of appreciation to it as I would think…why bother? I would just get another one within seconds.

Plus, because I am getting it so easy…I never think of any chance that I might not going to get it another time… So, when I lost what is currently mine…I am also falling to a condition that makes me unable to get it again… Will I be able to recover and struggle to get it again? Maybe I can. But the hurt of falling down from higher place is more painful and I might get desperate…

“Better you climbing one step at a time to get to the top rather than you find a way to the top sooner but then you fall down really fast afterwards… The higher you fall it will be a lot harder for you to climb back..”

Oh well, but I do really need to remind myself to not get stuck in the middle of my climbing process… Wish me luck all ;)

Rules


Does rules made to be broken?

Well, probably that’s not the first intention when people break the rule… There are various reasons though…

My friend once told me how her parents forbid her to play with matches as they worry she may set the house on fire. She did not understand at first and since she was still a kid she played with it anyway. Not to worry, she does not burn the house. However, she hurt her hands while playing with fire. You do remember how beautiful that faint light given from the matches… And we have this urge just to touch it with our hands… Not to mention that we are wondering why can’t we play with this beautiful thing who only able to light for a few seconds? Of course after hurt her hand, it was enough for her not to disobey her parents warning anymore. I mean anything related with matches and fire.

On public places like mall, nowadays we see many signs near a chair or toilets or rooms that especially being provided for people who have disability or mothers with infants. Inside that room, mothers will be able to breastfeeding their infants without being looked at by other people. Note: If you wonder why people still glaring to mothers who busy breastfeeding…do not ask me.
Toilets for people with wheelchairs are created with bigger space. The big space is enough to put two people inside along with the wheelchairs.
There are corners near the restrooms provided to mothers who probably wish to change diapers of their infants or just sit down there to wait for others from restroom.

Usually, people probably would not enter rooms for mothers…but for the other two…don’t say to me that you have not even once used them though you have no infants or disability.

I admit, sometimes I just went it to the toilets with bigger space because I can’t hold it much longer… And the cleaning lady inside did nothing to prevent me as there is no other people that will use it anyway at that time… Oh, yes sometimes they will ask you nicely not to use it. I once saw a teen just sat in a chair for mothers with infants at the mall. One of the cleaning ladies politely asked her to get up as this chair is not meant for her.

Other reasons for breaking rules? Plenty. Probably we are in a hurry and decide to take a short cut even if we know is breaking the law. Or we wear a very short skirt to school though our headmaster forbidden us to do that. If we can get away with it, we can show it to other people…feeling proud that there was no punishment laid upon us for breaking the rule… As if we are brave to do that and nothing can stop us. Maybe next time we will do it again and escalate the risk of getting catch in the act. Just for the fun of it.

Then again, sometimes certain rules were made long time ago. And those rules are not adequate with current situation. Eventually, people will break them before finally revised adjusting with nowadays situation. So, I suppose breaking the rules does not mean bad all the times…, right? J

Attitude

 I have two friends who work as a teacher. Both of them told me how different kids nowadays with children around the 80’s. That is including me, and them as well…

At our time, most of us (I said most not all) were a bit passive… If our teacher scold us for getting bad grades we just listen to them… Trying to think, damn why can’t I get good grades after all those studying hard and paying attention? After that, we still get scold from our parents asking why on earth we can only get this bad grade? Maybe we did not study hard enough, maybe we are too busy with extracurricular in school… Either way, we will not dare to counter our parents and our teacher

“Children nowadays lack of attitude, “ most of my friends often said.

One of my friends even analyze that if the parents behave obnoxious in their daily life, then it is not a surprising that their offspring also following their footsteps. Other thinking that perhaps the parents try to hide the guilty feeling for not able being with their children all the time and therefore ignore every bad behavior from their kid. Or should we say, living in denial…
“No, my kid is nice and will never do such things… It is you who is unable to communicate with my kid… So, it is your fault instead of mine…” 

If you read Harry Potter, then you know which character that sounds similar with the above. Yeah, the Dursleys… The parents keep on insisting that their child is the sweetest thing ever live in the whole wide world… And yeah, many parents unable to take critics on their children with open mind… Knowing that the teacher does not simply point out the weakness to make the children feel like an idiot… But they wants the kid to develop to something better…

“Many of them, knowing that their parents have big bucks and will able to support them… Therefore, they see no point to learn hard and getting clever even on just one subject, “ one of my acquaintance sighing. “If they do feel that way, wondering why they even bother to go to school? Completely wasting my time and theirs and most of all the tuition for education is not cheap…”

And that was nothing compared what you see at the malls… Most of them, kids up to teens walking around with their crowds… Looking confident and obviously rude… They never bother to say Excuse me…if they have to passed other people. Or they just stand together blocking other’s people way… And never bother to makes way whenever we bumped into them in a smaller space like for example crossing bridge. My friend even once encountered a teenager screaming at a waitress because she has to wait before getting seated… Probably she was raised by a pack of wolves and not people…

If I did not say greeting to my parents or teacher, I would get scold or sneer… Which enough making me feel so silly and realizing that I have no manner… As the younger ones, we always have to make a first move when it comes to greet or just say hi to elderly. I did not get that right now… Perhaps having money and all in the world can provide means that the right attitude is to be as obnoxious as they can be. Sad…

Ask before you misled

Better ask before you get lost… or in my friend’s case before your pocket get depleted.

She told me that about five years ago, she was having this chat with her acquaintance who worked in woman’s magazine. During their chats, her acquaintance informed her about this excellent hairdresser. His work is outstanding and he did not charge very much. Excellent work and not sucking up your pocket, hmmm… Will there anyone able to resist that temptation? So, my friend asked for the address and went there with her roommate. When she arrived, she was surprised to see many expensive branded cars parking in front of the beauty salon. But, without thinking too much she went in anyway…

Inside, they were welcomed by a customer service (CS) and then asking them with whom they wish to get a haircut. The CS then showed them a board full of listing available hairdressers complete with the charges that would be applied. Since she did not find the name that was informed by her acquaintance (let us call him “JACK”) , she then asked to the CS whether Jack is available to cut her hair. The CS then asked my friend whether she has made an appointment and of course my friend replied that she has not. She then asked by the CS to wait a while as she need to ask Jack if he is available at that moment. Lucky for my friend (well, she did feel lucky at first) the hairdresser has no appointment and agree to do her hair. Her room mate wanted to see the result after the hair do and therefore she decided to wait for my friend.

When she entered inside the salon, she saw many familiar famous faces… She was a bit surprised but still with her positive thinking… She was still very sure that her acquaintance would not lie to her about the cheap charges and keep the show on going. She was amazed that Jack the hairdresser only need 15 minutes to do her long hair with fabulous result… Happily she walked to the cashier and bumped into another well known singer who seems very close to the hairdresser… My friend almost faint to find out how much she has to pay for the hairdo… The price was about five times from regular that she use to pay. It turns out, Jack IS the owner of the beauty salon and that’s why every customer must make an appointment before have him as their hairdresser. And why he only charged very few to other people because he did that as a treat for the people on that magazine…. The charges that he asked probably for his assistants instead of himself…

This is why we should never ever embarrass to ask how much is this? And how much is that…before making any transaction… Seriously, sometimes because we do not asked for every tiny little details on the price will open a chance to be cheated… Or could get a heart attack to know that we have to pay so much above our capability…

Credit cards sometimes have this promotion event with certain restaurant or café. If you use this credit card to eat at this restaurant you will only have to pay half from the actual price. I once decided to ask the restaurant over the phone whether the promotion still valid and does the discount applied to any food and beverages. It turn out, drinks with alcohol and wines does not include on the promotion… There, at least I get the information correctly from the restaurant (do not forget to ask the name of the person who give you that information) and will avoid the beating of my heart goes faster when the bill comes to me…

Asking is a necessary thing to do especially if we have limited resources… Better humiliate at first rather than after all transactions and purchasing have been executed…!

Talking craps

My friend told me about someone that she know from her community. This person always loves to brag almost about everything… Like for example, she was bragging about her new job in state department… Though she was only a temporary staff but she got nice salary and can go to the office whenever she please… Naturally, my friend does not believe that…

“It was like she was saying she has been to the moon recently with a travel agent..., “ my friend said.
“Then why didn’t you say anything to counter her story?” I asked my friend curiously.
“Why? I have already known she was full of craps… Trying to counter her story would lead so many things… She would scream, make a scene, yelling me that I am jealous at her…”
“Someone has countered her story before?” I can’t help grinning widely.
“Yeah… It went ugly… She then talked gibberish… Denied everything… The sad thing is we are the one who embarrassed by her while she acted as if we are the crazy one…” 


From time to time, we meet these kind of people… Perhaps they get used to lie to other people who do not understand the real situation. And because it has become sort of a habit, that person carried it away to everywhere they goes… Unfortunately for these people, there are other communities who know that all those big talks are just crap. Fortunately for these kind of people, those who know about those crap they were talking about are too polite to counter their story… Knowing that these people will make a scene and will not feel embarrass about it. It feels that we are the one who is going to be suck to their game…and choose not to involve with it… Unless our own families are involved with it naturally we feel that itchy feeling to just open the hoax and bragging stories right away…

I still have no idea to handle these kind of people in the most open way… Any suggestions? Or just keep quiet is more than enough for the healthy soul? 

Defensive

When you asked someone why on earth she or he done this or that and they get defensive, you will get the feeling that they are guilty as per your suspected.

Like for example, your family has warned you not to smoke any longer. But, well you know…the temptation gets the better of you… So, sneaking around you took just one cigarette and smoke it good in the morning… Then you realize everyone will realize that you have been smoking… Therefore, you also prepare a stock of mint candy. And you put it on your mouth every time you finished smoking… Your family and friends starting to notice eventually that you have developed this new addiction to eating candies… But actually you try to hide the bad breath after smoking to your family and friends. However someone did know why you have been doing that… And the first thing he did beside asking why you are into minty candies now is to share a story that almost similar with yours. That he or she probably loves to drink and to hide the fact from the family. And this person just wants check you out how much cigarette that you took and you becoming defensive and saying only one…

 I think we will start to protect ourselves when we sense of being attacked… In this matter, we know we are doing something forbidden… And surprise enough that someone notice what we have been doing…and even bother to ask for our confirmation… In desperate attempts to keep on hiding what we have done we become defensive. We try to lie to others and ourselves that we have not been doing anything wrong… Or even worse, we try to justify the action that we have taken no matter how wrong it is… To stop others asking about it we are going to stay away from them and shut ourselves…

Little that we realize that when we are being defensive it means we sort of admitted that the thing we have done is without doubt is wrong… And the more we try to convince other that it is not…is only an indirect confirmation that it is wrong and we know exactly about that fact when we were doing it…

But then we were upset because of getting caught in bad action, does our brain can still think clearly? NO? Ahhh, don’t get defensive ;) It is so silly ^___^

Peace

I have been following this news about this conflict between a certain ethnic group with local people about building a place to pray. From what I have been reading, the ethnic group claims that they have been trying to get permit to build their church. But the permission never been given or in other word they feel they were given hard times in getting that permit. While the local community said that the ethnic group do not have good intention and

As I do not know what is really going on there, I would like to comment on both parties…

First for the local community who seems do not think that the ethnic group will bring any good to their community. Well, I think everything can be talked about in peacefully. If you do not think you have the ability to stay clam and clear head then bring a mediator from the government. Isn’t that what they should be doing? To bring peace for their citizen so everybody can live side by side in harmony no matter what the differences? As we all know only too well how easy to bad people provoke us to do violence things which we all going to regret afterwards… As when emotion took control everything will be clouded and blurry… Yup, sure…is easier to be talked rather than done… I know… Not an easy thing to do… Especially when we have seen, heard, thought and judged them.

For that ethnic group…if the local community seems does not accept your presence and the rejection has escalated into violence act…maybe there is nothing wrong to just SIMPLY MOVE? You know, conceding does not mean you loose… Beside what is to loose for? What is the reason you come together and pray? To have a peaceful moment with our CREATOR above, right? I do not think that the situation is similar with the ancient time when people have to hide and run in the mountain to practice their belief. So, seriously…is only a place… Just move to another place and find peace for heaven sake!

Then again, is just me talking…and wishing that may peace always be with us all 

Insecurities

 Do you have an acquaintance that is so annoying once in a while? I am sure you have. We can not avoid these kinds of people. Hey, who knows… we probably annoying other people as well… ;)

This someone loves borrowing things from me but after she or he saw the things that I have they will mock me like this….

“Oh dear, I was expecting that you have that perfume instead of this perfume… This perfume is so not me…”
And of course I was like thinking…, then why didn’t you just buy it yourself instead of asking for mine? Do I have to provide every perfume to anyone who wants to ask for a few drops? 

Or we take these kind of people out for lovely dinner… Well, actually we did not want to take them in the first place. Our intention is to take out our parents for a nice dinner out there… Darn these people happen to come by and we have no choice but to take them along… When they find out where was the place, they started that annoying laugh and said, “Oh so here is the place? I thought we are going to something fancier…”

GGRRHHH

Don’t you just want to kill them on the spot?

Now I think they actually try to hide their insecurities… I mean, they probably do not have enough to buy their own perfume or other things in life…(clothes, shoes, gadget and many more)… Well, obviously they can’t afford it otherwise they would not borrow it from other people, right? But to hide that jealousy for not being able to have that thing, they mocked other people’s belongings… They are angry because to use that thing that have to borrow from other people… Even worst that they probably borrow it from people who they really envy for years… So, to not loose their dignity they feel the need to mock.

Annoying? Yeah, sure… But then…just let it by… Better you are the one who able to lend those things rather than being the borrower who keep on mocking other people…

Like we use to said in Indonesia, jealousy is a sign of incapability. 

Mistakes are expensive

I once write that sometimes in the journey of our life we can’t help to make mistake… Because by being afraid of doing something wrong we would be so hesitate in every action or decision that we have to take… What if I do it this way, what kind of consequences I have to deal with? But if I do it that way, can I handle the consequences that probably more severe than the other decision? Should I be doing this or that? But what if I made mistake and none of the actions is the right decision? Maybe I should not decide anything and just not doing anything at all… 

We all probably wondered why our senior at work or our parents or elderly gives us so many warnings almost about everything. Let us just say that you are teenager in love with someone from your class. Your parents sense something wrong with your-so-called-soul-mate and therefore forbid you to keep the relationship… They give you advice from the nicest way to the hardest way…as they want you to understand the consequences. If you are a boy, then imagine that you have to drop everything to get a job in order to make a living for the coming baby… If you are a girl, then you have to prepare to skip hang out time with your friends as your time will be used to take care of the newborn baby… Though both families support the two of you all the way, but still once a while they will keep on reminding you… IF ONLY YOU HAVE LISTENED TO ME…

You are going to join in a business agreement with your trusted friend…and therefore give everything that you have to make it happen… Obviously, both of you have discussed the revenue from the investment within certain period. However, not only that you did not get the revenue you are also loosing your money! You can only blame yourself for making mistake by trusting your friend too much and it has cost your dearly. Of course after that you become more careful and not just trusted anyone with your money anymore. But, the damage has been done in the previous event.

In our journey in this world, naturally we all make mistakes along the way. We can not always make the right decision. However, there is nothing wrong in considering advice and input from people. Probably looking at the consequences will able to help us to realize what our life will be if we do this or do that. Sometimes we have to pay high price for every mistake that we make. Sometimes we are able to get it by and move on but there will be moment that we are unable to do that…as the price is too high…

Kids and animals

I remembered few lines from a movie, about a guy who want to have kid. And his friend was shock because he is not the fatherly-type-kind of guy… And to express his amazement, his friend said something more or less like this,” You want to have a kid? You do realize that is a human being, right? Is not like a dog that you can just throw away once you are bored with it…”

Hahaha…

You know what, call me crazy or insensitive I did think that when a person can not handle their pet then they probably just forget to have a kid… But of course along the way, I have changed my mind…

But first of all, why did I even think that a person who can’t take care an animal will be automatically can’t handle a baby or infant or children? Well, first of all… they sort of the same at the beginning, right? Can any of you understand how to communicate with a baby with adult language? Seriously? At the beginning? I am sure you can not… You often confuse why in the heck your baby is crying all the time… Is she or he thirsty or hungry? Or worst…probably fallen ill? Animal will do exactly the same… If is a dog, it will bark and bark and drive you and your neighbor gone nuts… You do not know the cause of it and therefore you can not make them to stay calm. Baby human and animal both need total attention and affection. Through your touch and your words, they can sense your loving and tenderness… Plus, you have to know what to feed them, how to feed them, how to ensure they are happy, aware when they are not feeling well… Now, don’t you think that if you can not handle a puppy or a kitten…then how in the heck you are going to handle a baby?

Then, I also notice that people do not like children but able to show affection to animal. I saw many elderly have cats or dogs to accompany them day after day… Why? Those animals just love them back unconditionally. These kind of people probably feel they can’t get that kind of devotion from human. Or simply they just do not know how to communicate with other human being and find it such a hassle.
Other not care about animal at all but love their children to death… They will do anything to ensure the well being of their kids…

But, I think is sad that people think they can just throw away an animal when they are bored with it… Or worse, their own children…

If you have chosen to have pet or kids, then you have to deal with all the hassle in raising them up. All the noises, the expenses, the total attention and devotion and dried you up as you seems have no time for your own… As to have something or someone alive who able to love you back with their own way, is the greatest gift in the world that we can have. 

You can't please everybody

I am a huge fans of Harry Potter the series and therefore can't really able to imagine that there are people who dislike the story...

But then again, this is also a lesson to me that we can not do anything just to please everybody... I mean, you can not expect that what you have said or written or done will get approval from everybody that knows you or people who read your writings. But why? Why can't we have everybody to be pleased with us?

Well, imagine you are on your way to another city with your family... You are the one who is driving the car. Then trying to light up the atmosphere you started to ask which road that you should take to go to the destination. Your parents wish to go through the highway in order to reach the destination as soon as possible but still able to stop to rest at rest points. Your sister on the other hand wish to go through the south as there will be sceneries for her to see. Your cousin wish to go through the mountain so all of you can feel the fresh air... Now, you are torn inside. You agree with your parents as you are the one who driving and wish to arrive at your destination sooner... But, what the other will feel when you decide to go with your parent's suggestion? Or perhaps you have your own idea that you prefer to just go through the highway with no stop at all...

Eventually, what ever decision you will take, it can't please everybody... I suppose when you are trying to please everybody you will loose your personality in every decision that you make... Sometimes we still find it hard to acknowledge that people are different. They look the same thing at different point of view, they have their own expectation from the same situation... Some might agree with us and maybe more who not... If we have to think about those who disagree all the time we probably not going to make or decide anything in our life...

Again, I know is easy to be said rather than done... And yes the reason I made this posting so me, myself can learn not to think that everybody is agree with me and therefore I can not please everybody...

Violence

I once read about a husband who always beat up his wife, for as long as they are married…and finally the wife asked for a divorce. I talked about this with my friends… The usual:  whose fault is that?

My friend did not believe that the husband is totally responsible for everything that has happened.

“But he was the one who hit his wife, “ I told my friend. “Naturally, it was his fault that their marriage ended…”

“I still do not believe that the wife did not do anything wrong…, “my friend still insisted. “I am sure she also responsible for provoking her husband…”

Then she told me that we have to see from both sides of the story… We never know whether the wife is totally innocent… Or she probably provoking it by saying something offending her husband, or did not respect her husband, or she did not satisfy with her husband’s salary and demand more for their life…, etc…

“That might be true, but still he should not hit her , “I stick to my opinion..

My friend agreed, “Yeah, agree to that… Violence, no matter the reason behind it…will never make it right…”


Oh dear… This once again another proof that ability to control your emotion is really important… Do you remember when that famous soccer player hit another player? He said this player provoke him to do so as he said very insulting words to him. And we all know, that people were like… was it true he assault the other player due to the provoke words? People only saw the violence that has been done as emotion took over the heart then the head… The one who do the violence action will be blamed no matter what the reasons behind it

I know how hard it is to control emotion… Especially when something provoke us… Maybe people said something terrible about us right in front of our face… Or someone keep on taunting us… From boiling emotion turn into anger then we do something more terrible… It will only take a few seconds but the result probably for eternity… And after that regrets will be the only thing we feel…

Violence never give us anything but regrets….

Hiding the past

My friend and I were chatting about her boss last night. She told me that her boss always think that he is the right, never did something wrong, do not want to hear other people’s opinion, not caring other people’s need and in short sort of a kind of person who think only about himself… (I am not judging, just telling the story… ^__^ )

Anyway, I joked with her saying that hopefully one day when we becoming supervisor of other people or have to manage other people, we will not be like her boss…being utterly obnoxious to other people… She then laughed and said maybe her boss totally forgot her past when he was still a small time clerk who try climbing the ladder to success…

Come to think of it… why people do not want to be reminded of their life in the past? Well, we can think of so many reasons…
Probably shame of their previous life? Maybe they have done something wrong or not as per moral society demand them to do… So, they do not like to be reminded about it as it would have embarrassed them.

Probably they try to forget… Forget the pain when they are still stuck down under… When they still have to take order from other people… When they have to give their respect to someone that they consider not worth it… The funny thing is, when they finally reach to the top they are acting exactly the same like the people they previously hate.

Try to denial that to have their current position or success because of the help from other people… They do not like the fact that the help is unavoidable and therefore when they finally reach the success moment they act as if there was no such help ever given to them… They want to convince everybody and everyone else that they got it through their own struggle.


We often forget sometimes in the process, that no matter how hard we try to hide things, live in denial, sooner or later the thing that we try to hide and denied will come out… And if that happen, things will turn from good to ugly…. Which most certainly at that time embarrass is only the small thing that we have deal with it… I guess, our past has made us what we are right now… And even we are being secretive about it…, it will shown in every course of actions that we take…

Hmmm, wondering if I am going to be a dragon monster if I do become the leader of so many people… *impossible mode is on*

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri

I would like to send my warm wishes to all friends and visitors who celebrate IDUL FITRI


Picture taken from
http://irwan.net/religious/kartu-lebaran-2010-hari-raya-idul-fitri-1431h/

Sorry is the hardest word

We always talking about how to forgive and forget… How we try to make peace with someone in our heart so we can move on leaving that heavy burden…

However, have we ever wonder…if we are the perpetrator of the wrong doings…will we have the courage to say that we are sorry? No?

If you think you can’t give your forgiveness to someone that already asking, imagine yourself to give it for someone who never ask you…

Sometimes in our life, we took some necessary actions that we consider it as the right thing to do… However, that action of ours wounded other people… Will we have the courage and humility to say that we are sorry? We probably will think, why in the heck I have to say sorry? What do I have to apologize for? I have done nothing wrong… They are the one who do not understand me… There is no need for me to explain the reason behind my action or my words… If I say I am sorry then I will be admitting I have done something wrong… I have done nothing wrong…

Or, we really have done something wrong to other people… Because we did that without consideration and only thinking about our own fun… We know it was wrong thing to do but we did it anyway… Whether previously we have the intention to hurt or it just happened. It is so hard to pull together all the courage to simply say sincerely from our heart that we are sorry… And we are too proud to do that… Or we try to calm ourselves that it was not a big deal so why we should keep on apologizing? Can’t they just forget about it?

But then, when we do say our apology…did we really mean it? Or we just want to take out the burden and get it over with... Want so desperately to have things, condition and situation just the same as before the screwing up… However, we feel no remorse about it…

If we find it hard to say that we are sorry…, find it difficult to forgive ourselves…then…how we are going to be able to forgive other people?

I think that song is so right…. Sorry does the hardest word to say…

Temptation...

Some of us seem have no control whatsoever on our own temptation.

Like for example, my Mom has kidney problem related to her diabetic illness. The doctor strongly prohibits her to eat anything contain SANTAN (milk squeezed from coconut…totally good for meal but eating excessively will do no good to your health)…

Unfortunately, she totally loves that kind of meal…and so many other Indonesians. I remembered when my Mom was still in the hospital and the patient beside my Mom was a lady who has a stroke for years. One day while giving that lady a bath, the nurses asked someone from the family about her eating habits previously.
“Your mother must like eating with santan very much, right?” asked one of the nurses. “You do realize that eating with it too much will damage your health eventually” 
“Well, what can we say, “answered one of the family. “Santan taste good…”
“Yeah, and being sick like this is worth it…, “ the nurse answered back sarcastically.


I know is different when we decided that we do not want to eat certain food or meals with being prohibited by doctors due to health problem. Even if life is the stake in this matter, sometimes we try to live in denial thinking that if only we take a small bite…it will do no harm to us. What is wrong with just a bite? And if that small bite did not kill us…, we would want another and another…

 I find myself so hard to part with chocolates and ice cream. Well, thanks God up to now I still have no health problem (and may God forbid all those health problems related with chocolates!) and wish to stay that way… But whenever I try to make a promise that I would not eat chocolate for a week…usually I give in on the third day… The temptation is so strong…as if I am going to choke myself for not having a chocolate for a day! Ridiculous, right? And after eating that, yeah sure I feel happy but the regret is bigger than the excitement when I chewed the chocolate…

I suppose when we were told not to, our brain processing it to the other way… Though without being reminded over and over again that we should not consume certain meals…we know the danger… And yet, we feel that desire to keep on eating it…against other people’s warning… The more people told us not to, the more we feel something pushing us to do the other way around…

Well, I have no idea to advise other people how to resist their temptation. I only know too well that I am no good with it either. I guess, we have to make a list of the terrible things that would happen if we fall into temptation and bring it all around us daily. Every time we consider of doing it, just open the list and learn what risk we takes and whether the risk is really worth it. After all, we are not the only one who is going to suffer but other people may get affected as well… 

Between far and close by

When I first knew about twitter, I was a bit excited… There are so many celebrities who also owned Twitter account and we can just follow them… If we follow their twitter, it means we are getting a fresh up date from those celebrities… We even can send respond to them through twitter… But, since they are not following us back…they will not know any updates from us… (As if they need to)

But now, I finally reducing the list of celebrities that I have been following all these times. I just think now, what is the point of that? It is not like I need to know every little detail of whatever those celebrities doing… And if I do curious to know, I also following twitter’s account from gossip magazines as well… So, I think I have enough information about them… Beside, I do not know them and they do not know me… It does not mean that by following them and getting their news making me their best buddies… And I am not even sure they will remember who I am even if they do reply my response to their tweets. I may be in their circle, but then again I may not really there…

What I really want to know and hear and read right now is news from my own friends in the real world… Those who once in a while drop by and asking how I am doing right now… Those who busy with their work and life and dramas but still have time to poke me or just click “like” at my status… Those who create something and tag me to share it… Or those who simply say hi to me ;)

Most of the time, we are so busy checking news from the internet, totally ignoring our friends who are sitting in front of us…busy telling stories about their life… But we are too busy with something virtual and untouchable and forget the real connection it self.

 Like many people said nowadays, internet bring those who far away becoming closer but driven away those who are near with us. I do sincerely hope it will not come to that kind of situation…

“Hey, do you that movie star is getting married?”
“How did you know? Did that movie star tell you?”
“Well, yes… not in person… But I read it from their announcement on twitterverse…”
“Really? Oh, well…me too…”
“What? When? How? Why didn’t you invite me?”
“I did… You just NEVER NOTICE…”

Adaptation

We often heard that once people find their comfort zone, they would not want to move anywhere anymore.

Like for example, people who live in the area who constantly flooded year after year whenever rainy season arrive. Let us exclude those who has little money therefore has no choice but to continue live in that area. But others, even though they have enough money they do not want to leave the place. Why? Simple. Aside from the flood disaster, they feel comfortable living there… Probably close to the office, to their children’s school, their friends, etc… Just thinking to move to somewhere else, though the new place is totally free from flood…already made them nervous and do not know what to do.

But sometimes, we forget that us being human have this capability to adapt to whatever situation and condition…if necessary.

Just look at me, my Dad and my Mom. After my Mom diagnosed with diabetic two years ago, we start use sugar or any kind of sweetener made special for diabetic people. Long time ago…before that diagnose, we tried to use that kind of sweetener. None of us really like it much, especially my Mom. We usually put sugar from two eating spoons (not with tea spoon)!
However, now realizing how terrible diabetic do to your other organs… little by little we try to reduce the quantity of sugar that we use on our drink. Not easy at first, we admit. But eventually, since the condition forces us to do so…we finally get used to it… Sugar from one tea spoon is enough for us. More than that, we dislike it already.

So I suppose, we really should not be afraid with changes… Okay, let me rephrase that. We should be worried and afraid of what might happen from those changes…but hopefully we can put our fear aside. And just try to be open minded about it… As, like I said…we have that ability to adapt… And who knows, maybe later these new changes will be your new comfort zone…again…

Honest? Open? Rude?

Once I knew someone who said almost about everything that popped out of her head... She would asked me or anybody else why the person A is cheating with person B while they both are married or she was simply show her surprise if a regular guy in our office manage to have gorgeous girl friend.... 

 So, naturally, we are all avoiding talking to her and never ask her to join our trip together as none of us can stand her mouth nor the awkward moment when she say something... for example about me being fat in front of everybody... When one of us tell her that she was so rude and should not say such things... she would roll her eyes and answerred that she is just simply saying the truth....

Yeah, well... probably there is a different about being honest and open and rude... Simon Cowell probably one of the few who can get away by being honest and double rude... And that because he needs to do that to give critics on the contestant so they do see their flaws and try reaching for their very best... Of course also not many people can stand that either so, it is also about mind game... Do you have what it takes to be an idol? People will tell you a lot of things that more hurting than Simon ever tell...

But anyway, back to my topic... Can we being honest but not rude? Or being nice but lie straight face? I have no idea... But one thing I do know, is that I am not going to say outloud about a friend who have over weight kid on how fat her kid is and what she has been feeding to that child? That would be rude, though it did cross my mind that whether this kid is going to have obesity due to her (over) weight? That would be rude to both of them, and probably not going to stop the eating habit to that kid anyway because people is going to be defensive about that... And definately I am not going to say how gorgeous the kid is because that would be a total lie as well.... 

All I know, the pressure is even bigger when you have to say the harsh truth to your own friend... Your words may motivate them to do something better or provoke them to be worst than ever.... Not to mention is ruining your friendship



Stressing, huh?

Playing with words

I am really in a bad mood right now, so I will try (again and again) to talk about something positive…

Hmmm, where to start… How about playing with words? Words combining together can motivate us to feel good about ourselves or provoke us to feel bad and nothing good ever come.

If you hear the word “Fall”, what is the first thing come to your mind? Something that sounds negative? Like:
“Oh, that kid fall from his chair…! He is going to hurt himself !”
“There is no way anybody survives from that fall…”
“The price has fallen down for these couples of days… His business face gloomy future because of that…”
“She is so fall apart from that unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend”
“They are fall behind the schedule and that will give bad impression to the customer”

And the list can keep on going and going…

But when you heard this sentence, “I can’t forget him; I think I am FALLING in LOVE with him…”
If you hear that sentence, what would you think? A happy feeling totally expressed from that sentence, right? You need no more explanation that the person who said that is having this wonderful feeling about someone.


Maybe all we need is to open our eyes to be able to see something good from all the worst things in this world… That no matter how bad the situation is, if we look hard enough then we will able to see that there will something good coming out from all this mess…

Ways with secrets

My friend and I were discussing about secrets that people keep in their life.

According to my friend, some people consider sharing a secret as a therapy or as a tool to get attention and compassion from other people. Like for example, her maid always sharing to anyone that she met about the infidelity of her husband. Or how her children seem to forget about her in her old age, which is why she has to work to earn a living. Or about her in laws who always asking for money and stuffs… When my friend thinks that she has too much information from her maid, she decided to ask. And her maid simply answered that by telling all those stories over and over again, she felt something lifted from her chest. And she wants anyone to feel sorry to hear her story and willing to help her walk out from her misery. Huh? Oookaaay…

While my friend said she does not feel comfortable in telling all her darkest secrets even to me… According to her, she once tell everything to a person she considered as a best friend ever. One day, they have some kind of misunderstanding and her best friend turn into her worst foe. All the secrets that she has shares were suddenly spreading to their community. After that, my friend always careful not to spill anything that she considered a bit touchy topic.
“Beside, I do not need sympathy and pity from other people by telling them my misfortunate or bad luck… How will I know that they will not do the other way around? Like mocking me behind my back or worst… Going to spread it to more people?”

I suppose every people have their own way in dealing with their problems. Some people may feel that by talking about it over and over again could be such a therapy for them. Maybe they keep on and on needing comfort from other people. Others might think that their misfortunate or problem as something that they should hide from other people. They do not want other people to know that they actually have heavy burden on their mind and just want to give different impression. Or have a lot to consider about having the problem being opened to other people… Like perhaps their family will receive direct impact from the exposure or so on. The rest just considered their problem as something private and do not feel the need to broadcast to the whole universe because they are unsure how other people will react. They could get the help that they need or perhaps just a sneer behind their back. Behaving like this, they will consider other people who story telling too much is a bit absurd as they do not need too much information. 

Me? I am in the middle… I like to talk over and over about it but usually on my blog. I do not think that other people will have the mood to listen my grumbling for days… And it usually takes me weeks before I manage to calm down. Plus, sometimes I think no matter how much help other people can give to us, the only person who can help us to get out from our own problem is our self.