Feeling...

I am not really a good student. In the learning process I am not a very patient person and therefore often seek easier ways to learn the lesson.

Like when I learned English for the first time in Junior High School. There were so many theories (well, for me is a bit much)… Like how to form a sentence using Past Tense, Present Tense, and Future Tense…. I think I was stop dead at Past Perfect Tense or something like that… See? I could not even remember the exact tenses! 

Realizing that if I have to limit myself with standard theory (though it is mandatory for future understanding) then there would be big chance that I was going to flunk my studying. And I would get bad remarks on my studying report. So, I decided to memorize more vocabularies, and naturally their form in different tenses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… IT IS A WRONG WAY TO STUDY… I was like a butterfly could not get out from its cocoon and decided to get help but in the end…I have no strength to survive… is it correct? Well sort of like that… I sort of depended on the feeling every time I faced English test. I am pretty sure that if I have to sit on official English test it will be a catastrophe.

Anyway, one day our English teacher started to give oral tests to each one of us. Like why this word put it here, or why we have to choose that one to this sentence… And we all managed to answer her questions correctly. However, she was upset to learn that NONE of us knew why this verb should be in this sentence… or how do we know to use that form for this sentence… And most of us answered, “Well Ma’am… we depend on our feeling… “

She was flabbergasted and then almost screaming to the whole class… Obviously she was mad because if we all depending on our so-called-feeling…then she has totally failed to teach us about the correct ENGLISH… Well, Ma’am…

I think I also speak terrible English because well…you know…  I have no idea how to write English with proper grammar… Actually…correction… I am just too lazy to find out how to write with correct grammar… And I am just too ignorance to care about grammar when it comes to speaking with foreigners in situation like during vacation or on a trip somewhere. If I have to think…oh no…how should I say this word… Did I say to them correctly? Did they laugh at my stupidity? Oh dear… I would end up not moving forward…

Well, all I am going to say…my ways to learn English probably did me good in the short term but definitely not in the longer term. I am too lazy to learn everything from the bottom again because I am too arrogant thinking that I have known to write and speak English though not perfectly. That’s not a good may to completely able to do things in the most perfect way. You may not going to find out the difficulty now but surely you are going to in the future…

(Note from the writer : If you ask me whether I am going to open my English book again after giving you all lecture…then shamefully the answer is still: NO)
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